Who or What is God?

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This was the greatest gift I received from the second heart attack, an expansive opening to the Divine Masculine and Feminine.

I was raised Catholic as a child. I remember laying on the ground looking up at the sky and taking things away thinking, what if there were no trees, no birds, no sky, no earth, where is God if everything is gone.  It made no sense to me.

I was taught that God was a man, with a white beard and white robes who sat on a throne and all of us souls knelt in front of HIM and worshiped Him for eternity.  Even as a child that sounded really boring to me.  I was the only girl in my eighth grade class who didn’t want to be a nun.

God was a foreign concept to me.  He was a man who wasn’t very compassionate, was domineering, judgmental and punishing.  I remember when eating meat on Friday meant going to hell.  That didn’t seem like a loving God to me.

When I was 14 I decided that I felt closer to God sitting in a tree so I dropped out of the Catholic church. My father who was a convert to Catholicism didn’t speak to me for 3 months saying that I was going against the establishment.  I really wasn’t, I was just following my heart.

I have been trying to figure this out all of my life!  My disenchantment with the church made me resist organized religion.  Most religions are based on a Male God and that didn’t work for me.

In the early 1990’s I started painting The Goddess. (You can find the story in my book Empowered Health and Wellness: Embracing the Inner Physician)  I will briefly describe the experience.  I had been sick with a sore throat for several months and a spontaneous image came to me which I realized was The Goddess.  I painting 44 images that became a meditation deck called Awaken the Goddess.  It was a way to explore the Divine Feminine within.

Now we have the Goddess Movement, which leaves out God. Bringing back the Goddess who has been hidden for 2000 years.  But the Goddess has been with us all along.  We don’t need to bring her back.  She is here and so is God.  They can’t be separated!

My connection with the Goddess energy was a beginning but it still created a separation of the sexes.  The masculine and feminine were not seen as united in the understanding of God.  We had gone through the Women’s Liberation Movement and that made the separation even stronger.  Women began blaming men for all of their problems and saw men as flawed.  I could never understand women complaining about men all of the time.  They didn’t understand that their complaints were holding men hostage energetically to the very things women didn’t like in men!  The chasm of the sexes widened and we became independent and didn’t need each other.

I was trying to move away from separation and separation was being re-inforced.  I started painting my understanding of the Masculine Principle and the unity between Masculine and Feminine and painted about 60 images.  I still didn’t feel connected to what it meant.  It was still images of people and that didn’t make sense to me.

The New Age movement had a hand in shutting down my connection with God even further, because of the masculine connotations of God and because according to the movement ” we have everything we need within and to reach for God meant dependency. God was male and there wasn’t a female component.  I tried to believe that I had everything I needed within me and had conversations with my ” Divine Inner Genius” but began to realize this was just me putting total reliance on myself.  I didn’t need anyone, not even God because the New Age Movement said I didn’t.  I could hold out my hand and say “om” and what ever I visualized would appear in my hand, right?I

I had the first heart attack in March of 2016.  I realized that my heart was closed down, I was protecting a part of me that no longer needed protection and I had become ultra-independent.  This heart attack opening my heart to love for myself and others that I had never experienced.  It also balanced the masculine and feminine within me.

In August of 2016 I was in Austria doing a month long painting seminar when I had a second heart attack. I was in the Emergency Room when I realized I had opened up to the Mother/Father God and was having a conversation.  These conversations continued while I was in the hospital for 6 days and still continue.  The energy from the conversations and the information I receive is like nothing I have felt before.

I realized that the second heart attack was meant to open my heart and balance the Masculine and Feminine in a sacred way, with the understanding that I am part of something greater.  I am still trying to understand this but I do understand the the first heart attack was the integration of the human masculine and feminine principles and the second heart attack was the integration of the Divine Feminine and Masculine Principles.

From my journal in the hospital:
“The Divine Masculine/Father and Divine Feminine/Mother are principles, NOT people. We make them people so we can relate and it makes it harder to relate and causes separation. The Creator is not anything we can imagine. The Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine together make up the Creation Principle, a force that we can co-create with. A force we have direct access to. It is a part of us and we are a part of it. It is a Universal Consciousness without limitations. How do we grasp that we were created by a creative force, a commingling of principles, energies, frequencies, vibrations and things we can’t understand. In trying to understand we have created separation with The Creator, with our selves and between each other. Everyone one of us contains both masculine and feminine and by embracing that we bridge the chasm, with in us and between men and women. “

This is my journey and it continues….

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My Very Own Guardian Angel

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This is a story not only about my guardian angel but also how communication unfolds between strangers who don’t speak the same language.

I have a strong connection to Archangel Michael and Gabriel.  The connection with each of them is uniquely different.

I feel that the energy of Gabriel is feminine so I will call her she.  Her name means “Gods strength” or “God has shown himself.  She reminds us that joy is our natural state.  She is the Archangel of harmony, beauty, purification, art, communication, strength and new beginnings.
Archangel Gabriel cleanses and raises your vibrational rate, helps you to open your heart and re-connects you with your soul purpose; your reason for being. Archangel Gabriel guides you towards the next steps in your life and reveals your life purpose and soul mission on Earth.

Upon that back story I will tell this tale which is part of my second heart attack story which took place in Austria.

After completing the angio-plasti procedure I was admitted to my room. After traveling in the elevator we came to a long narrow hallway and My bed was wheeled beside another bed in the hall. The two beds fit snugly in the hall. I transferred myself on to the new bed and the first bed was removed as the nursing staff wheeled me into my new room.

I was told I couldn’t move my leg for 2 hours because the procedure I had took place in my leg and they didn’t want me to cause bleeding.

I looked over and saw that I had a roommate. There was no divider or curtain between us so we could see each other.  Apparently this hospital doesn’t use them.

About 10 Minutes later another bed was wheeled in and put it between us. This bed contained a little white-haired lady who looked to be about 90. So there were three of us. She said something in German to the other lady and it seemed like they knew each other.  I later learned that they both had come the day before me and they knew the lay of the land.

My friend Kate was there with me and we were talking. My white-haired “friend” got out of bed, grabbed her walker and went over and turned off the lights. It was 3 in the afternoon. Now Kate and I were sitting in the dark. My first thought was, “great I am in a room with someone who has dementia!”

That was how my hospital stay began…

More about my white-haired lady. She works on cross word puzzles and plays video games on her phone to keep busy.  She is in charged of the one TV in the room. I don’t care because it is all in German so I can’t understand it. Her sweet husband comes every day to visit her. I sense that she likes me and is worried about me.

There was little attention paid to me by my roommates the first day and I felt very much alone because most of the staff didn’t speak English.  I stared at the clock a lot.

The second day I was lying in bed with my bare feet hanging over the end rail.  The white-haired lady stopped on her way to the bathroom and wiggled my bare toes and smiled.  It felt like something a grandmother would do to her grand-daughter.  Communication begins.

An epic failure in communication and embarrassing moment opened the communication door a little bit more.

I had to go to the bathroom ASAP and the white-haired woman was taking a shower.  The shower was inside of the bathroom so if someone was showering no one could go to the bathroom.  I remembered seeing a public bathroom down the hall and I was going to go use it.  I ran into a nurse on my way out of the door and told her I had to use the bathroom.  She told me I had to wait until the other person was done in the bathroom and then I could use it.  I couldn’t wait!!   I stood by the bathroom door for a couple of minutes and couldn’t wait any longer.  I went to the door at the same time as the nurse was going by.  I told her I needed to use the bathroom and I was trying to get to the public bathroom.  By now it was too late and I had diarrhea running down my leg and on to the floor. I said “Oh Shit!” and I wasn’t kidding! Now she understood what I was talking about.  She thought I wanted to take a shower.  She grabbed the bathroom door, through the white-haired lady out and pushed me in.

I took a shower to clean myself up and when I came out with wet hair the nurse was trying to ask me if I wanted a hair dryer by running her hand against her hair making a broom noise.  I said “Hair dryer” and everyone in the room repeated the English word.  That is how communication started to build.

The next time the white-haired lady had to use the bathroom she ran past my bed saying “schnell” which meant quick.  Oh no, now the poor old lady had bathroom PTSD!!  I told her not to worry but it was in English so I don’t know if she understood.

The next morning my white-haired friend came over to my bed with a piece of Apple Strudel that her husband had smuggled in the night before.  She gave it to me and smiled.

After that she tried to talk with me and teach me German words when we were watching TV. She also told me in a few words and pointing with her hands that she lived about 5 kilometers from the hospital.

On the day we were all getting discharged she was standing by her bed and she said “Stent”.  I realized she was asking me if I had a stent.  I brought my journal out, drew a picture of a heart on my page, with the stent and the word Sperren which meant blocked.  She showed me where they had put a pacemaker in.  I wanted to cry with happiness because we had broken the communication barrier.

I walked over to her bed and looked and pointed to myself and said “Katelyn” and put out my hand.  She reached out her hand and said “Gabriella”  We looked into each others eyes and smiled. Gabriel, really?

As she left to go home she was in a wheel chair.  I walked over and  took her hand and said good bye and God bless you. She said something in German back to me and her eyes sparkled as they wheeled her out of the room.

My guardian angel, Gabriel, had been with me through out my hospital stay and I didn’t even know it but somehow I felt comfort in having the white-haired lady in my room. She came in right after I got there and when I was leaving, she left right before me.  Interesting timing.

Even in the darkest of times we are not really alone.

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OMG! Hospital Food! Dog FOOD!!!

Heart attack 2-Part 2

I had heart attack 2, 4 months after heart attack 1, while attending a month long painting seminar in Austria.  Up to that point I had been eating impeccably heart healthy for about six weeks.

My first meal after being admitted was breakfast. I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before so I was hungry!!

Remember I am in a country where Deutch is the language and I am in a small village hospital so almost no one spoke English. The nurse came in and said “Breakfast?” I said yes. She said “salmon” I said yes! While she went to get my food I was thinking how lucky I was to be getting salmon in the hospital! Wow!

She returned with my tray. On it was a bun and a pat of butter! I knew I was going to be in trouble where food was concerned. Lunch was some pasta thing slathered in some kind of sauce that I couldn’t eat.

When I saw the doctor I said “The food isn’t very heart healthy is it?” To which he responded “No, and it doesn’t tasted good either! It wouldn’t hurt you for 3 days.”  I thought to myself “I wonder what happens on day 4 and 5 because I knew I would be there that long. I wasn’t going to die from the heart attack. Nope it was going to be the  food!

One night one of my two Deutsch speaking roommates came in to the room with the evenings menu. She sat on her bed and read it out loud. I didn’t understand a word.  She got up and as she walked out she shouted “DOG FOOD, DOG FOOD, DOG FOOD!”  Ah the first thing I understood in two days.

When our food came the three of us lifted the covers over our plates and sad “DOG FOOD” at the same time and laughed!  The little old lady in the bed next to me immediately made a phone call. 30 minutes later her husband came in with a bag full of food. Sand which fixings, dessert and all kinds of yummy shit.  Yes! Food smuggling had begun.

Kate snuggle a meal of salmon and roasted vegetable that the owner of the hotel had made for me. I had a terrible headache and was nauseated from the food at lunch that I couldn’t eat. Instead of eating dinner Imended up vomiting.

Early the next morning she snuck over to my bed and slipped me a piece of Apple strudel and smiled.

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My breakfast menu expanded when my friend Kate brought me a German Dictionary from 1995. German isn’t the same as Deutch but it is closer than English.  I went through  it and found words for things I would like for breakfast. Breakfast became my best meal because I didn’t have a choice of what they fed me.

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Above is a meal that is hard to describe.  I can tell you that the sauce on top was blueberry. What you see beneath it that looks yellow was either, cake, egg something or something unknown. It was swimming in vanilla pudding with a side of radish soup.  I eat the apple.

The last meal I had before I was discharged was the best meal I had. I decided that if you survived the previous meal the quality of the food improved.

 

“So make the best of it…

I am going to do a series of blogs about my recent hospitalization in Austria, ehere I had a second heart attack after a rare stent failure.image

From the journal I wrote during my trip:

“I only cried once during my six days in the hospital. Yes I got tears eyed at times but only really cried once. It was a big cry that lasted at least 30 minutes.

It happened right after the doctor told me I had to stay for at least 5 days so I “Should make the best of it.”

I knew that meant, cut off from communication with the outside world, my friends, my kids, and my support system because I had no internet or phone. It meant not being able to communicate in this new world I found myself in, where I was having a medical emergency, because I didn’t know the language and most people I was interacting with including my two roommates didn’t know mine. And all I had to do for the next five days was stare at the clock on the wall at the foot of my bed. All I had was the clothes I wore to the hospital and my IPad. I wasn’t planning on staying.

I cried in disappointment , sadness and fear.

No one could understand why I was crying because we could not communicate so I was alone with my sadness, when instead I could have been painting. The tears flowed.

While I was crying the doctor and three nurses came in because the site where I had the procedure had broken open during the night and my leg was covered in blood. The doctor brought an epically large needle with him and shot 6 shots of adrenaline into my bleeding leg while I continued to cry with all four of them watching, not understanding why I cried and tears welled up in the nurses eyes.

But “Make the best of it ” stuck in my head.

I had my iPad, so I started taking photos.

When my friend Kate brought my journal and a German dictionary from 1959 that she bought for a nickel in a thrift store before she came to Austria. I was grateful to the thrift store, to the nickel and to Kate for buying it. That 5 cent dictionary became a Godsend!

Now I was documenting my story and “making the best of it” and magic, humor and transformation were about to unfold.

(By the way, I took a new blank journal on my trip like I do each time I travel and remember wondering would I would write that could possibly fill the pages. My first entries were just a few sentences. I ended up filling the would journal and it was a life savor)

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The Journey…

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The longest journey you will ever take IS the 18 inches from the head to the heart.  It took me 31 years!

A heart attack got me where I needed to go, quicker and more efficiently than I could have ever gotten there myself…if I ever did.

We are lauded for our our intelligence but not for our ability to love.  I am both intelligent and psychic.  I could figure out, dissect, analyze, deduce, determine and ponder like a pro but I could barely feel my feelings because it wasn’t safe for me to feel them or safe for other people if I expressed them.

The “New Age” movement teaches us to bypass our feelings, move up the emotional scale as quickly as possible and always think positive thoughts because “Thoughts become things” for heaven sake!  How perfect that was for someone who was afraid to feel!  It is actually perfect thinking for a society that doesn’t want to feel.

I didn’t want to feel the hell I was going through as I was going through it and I wanted to forget that it had ever happened as fast as I could.  I remember going through therapy and talking about my life as if it were a movie I had seen, disconnected and unemotional.

By doing this I missed the juicy, messiness that is part of the human experience.  Life is a mixture of heaven and hell, of grace and struggle, of joy and disappointment, as it should be.  It is not about pretending that only heaven exists and that everything is A “okay”.

A few days after I got out of the hospital I was talking to my friend Della and I said “I know it is me talking but I am listening to someone else.”  She agreed. Last night I was talking on the phone with my son’s girlfriend and she said ” Do you know who different you are?  You don’t even sound like the same person you were before the heart attack.”

It’s true.  I can’t hear myself as different anymore because I have integrated this change over the last 3 months but I feel the difference.  I even look different.

I am living in my heart.  Words and thoughts sound different from that space.  I have made the 18 inch journey.  I am feeling the feelings, every juicy, messy, happy, lovely, difficult one of them!  In the midst of all of it I feel peace, I feel joy, I feel love and I feel safe.  Safe is a feeling I didn’t feel much before.

I am not afraid to be authentic, I am not worried about what people will think, I am not worried about what comes next.  I feel that the Universe, God, My soul, higher self or what ever you want to call it has my back.  That is freedom.

What ever you do, make that journey.

Find your heart and go live there!

Stop being afraid.

Be authentic

Live!

Find your true north….

 

The Compass of the Heart-True North

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A new Space for me

For the last month I have been feeling like I am in a new incredible space.  It is hard to describe.  There is no pressure to do anything to make something happen.  I used to be so ambivent about some of the things I wanted to manifest.  I could hold on to a belief for a certain period of time and than I would swing back into “That is never going to happen”. It was a common pattern with things I really desired.  That swinging back and forth is gone!  I never thought I would be able to shift that pattern and now it is gone! Now I just believe that the things I desire are just going to happen.  I am not worried about anything even though there are things going on in my life that would cause others to worry.  I feel centered, balanced and in harmony. I am not being pulled in one direction or the other.  I love how this feels.

Divine Inner Genius (My inner guide)

I asked my Divine Inner Genius what this space was that I was in and this is what I got.

“You are feeling what it means to live in your heart, your center and in balance.  There is no fear or worry in that space no matter what is going on in your outer world because you know it is all for your highest and best/Soul purpose.  This is the space from which miracles and magic occurs.”

True North and the Compass of the heart

“Many mystics believe that human beings have a built in guidance system that takes us home to the Source of Being.  We are hardwired for God.  But rather than being embedded in our brain, that magnet for our spiritual journey is located in our hearts.”  Joan Borysenko

Divine Inner Genius on Alignment

“You don’t have to do anything for this alignment has already occurred and you can’t stop it from happening.  Alignment happened the day of the heart attack when you had the dream of The Sacred Marriage.  The six pointed star from the ceremony is the compass that was placed in your heart that is pointing to your True North that is where your partner is.  This doesn’t necessarily mean he is in the north.  The compass of your heart is activated by your inner marriage/Sacred Marriage, where you came into balance with the male and female in you.  The Sacred Marriage occurred and activated the magnetics of your heart compass.”   I sat and looked at this and remembered that my Divine Inner Genius had written about this before.  I remembered at the time I was really intrigued by the idea and purchased a compass necklace from Etsy.  Rather than wade through all my journals to find the reference I looked at my Etsy receipt and it lead me to the page in my journal of May 26-29th

Divine Inner Genius (from my journal May 26, 2015)

“A grateful heart is a magnetic heart.  The heart is the holder of dreams with a compass to lead you there. The compass of the heart is the highest aspect of  your being with divine intelligence. It is not your mind.  The compass of your heart is connected to your divine blue print and is the guide to follow.  There is an energy signature within your heart that draws like energies to it.  If something you desire is not coming to you it is not ready to activate yet, according to your hearts compass. Your heart knows your True North.  Love is the true compass.  Loves literal and metaphysical expanse resides in the Realm of The Heart.”

THE COMPASS OF THE HEART: TRUE NORTH

The inner work is really about finding your way from your head into your heart.  The magnet for our spiritual journey is located in our heart.  The heart is the center of the compass.  When the needle is free to be in present time, rather than fearing or worrying about the future or regretting the past, it moves effortlessly to True North.  In that state of alignment with source, we know in a way that is intuitive instead of cognitive.  Have you ever said to someone ” I just know” when they ask you how you know something.  It is that kind of knowing.  We know that we are home in the universe and that all is well. It is a source of wisdom beyond words.  It is a felt sense of being centered in the heart.  This is usually a body sensation that we can use as a guide.

The compass of the heart holds a specific magnetic frequency in a lifetime that is aligned with specific events, all activated by True North.  When the compass is aligned with True North our wants and desires occur.  They are sequenced through time, in accordance with the Divine Blue Print.  Once the compass has been activated through the opening of the heart the higher aspects of the blue print begin to unfold.

There are three levels to the Divine Blue Print

Level One- mundane activities

Level Two-Awakening activities

Level Three- Higher spiritual activities and Divine Purpose

True North is your energy signature, a frequency that is unique to you.  It is the frequency that will be recognized by the people and events that will participate with you in this incarnation.  In the metaphor of the heart’s compass the arrow always try to move in the direction of true north because that is your divine path.  Once you are able to align your hearts compass to true north you will feel the feeling of being in alignment and you will know when you are in and out of alignment.  You can rely on the compass of the heart to take you in your authentic direction.  You become like a navigator getting into alignment and making corrections when you are out of alignment until you reach your hearts destination.

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A Child’s Dream Friend and the Magic

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Our forts were similar to this one

WHEN I was a young girl I had a best friend named John.  We were inseparable and we created a magic world whenever we were together.  He lived across the street from my house. On warm summer nights we would set up camps on our front porches and with flashlights we sent secret codes to one another from across the street.

John was the first person in my life to get who I really was.  I was a Tomboy. When we were together I could just be me.  I always had dirt under my nails, scratches on my knees and fly away hair.  I loved mud puddles, catching snakes and turtles and climbing trees. John’s sister was my age and also my friend but I couldn’t relate to her made up face, perfect hair, polished nails and high heeled shoes.  I wasn’t like all the other girls and he didn’t care.  We were best friends, period, end of story.

One summer we built a go-cart together with discarded things that we found while digging in trash cans around the neighborhood.  We had dreams of being in the Soap Box Derby and could see ourselves zooming down the hill and winning the race with our go-cart. Dumpster diving itself was so much fun.  We took turns diving headfirst into the garbage can to see what treasures we could uncover while the other one played look out for angry neighbors. We found wheels and rope and wood and all kinds of things to build a go-cart with.  The  go-cart we created was the most beautiful green and yellow car, with steering that actually worked and it could fly down the hills with one of us at the helm like a rocket.

John and I spent a lot of time in the woods near our house creating hide-a-ways that only we were allowed to use.  We snuck things from our houses to make our hide-a-way cozy just like a house.  The forest was our playground and we were its king and queen. One time we built a fort in a patch of poison ivy and I had a terrible allergic reaction that put me in the hospital for several days, yet that didn’t keep me from going to play in the forest.  I preferred playing in the woods to playing, with dolls which I thought was a silly thing to do.

When I was 13 and John was 11 he went to the State Fair and ended up in the hospital very sick.  We wrote notes back and forth and I sent him rubber bugs because we each had a collection.  I sent on of my favorite bugs from my collection because I wanted him to feel happy.  This was my way of keeping the magic alive while he got better. One day after John had been in the hospital about 3 week and I was excited for him to come home his mother came to my house and told me he had died. At first I thought she was lying.  I couldn’t even imagine life without him.

I have missed him over the years because he was my first partner in the dream and we taught each other to open up to the magic of the world.

Circle of Reciprocity

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One morning when I went to journal I only wrote three words: circle of reciprocity.  There was nothing more.  No explanation or commentary, just three words.  It almost seems a bit redundant because reciprocity is a circular energy.  Reciprocity is giving of yourself without expecting something in return and getting something unexpected back.  Reciprocity is a mutual giving and receiving.  When we give of ourselves freely reciprocity happens automatically.  It doesn’t mean that the person we gave to is the one who will give back to us, but an exchange will come from somewhere.

The circle of reciprocity is a spiritual practice when entered into unconditionally.  When we ask for what we need and offer each other what we can, we enter into a dance of reciprocity.  We are doing a two-step exchange of needs and offerings.  Asking, offering, giving and receiving is one circular motion.  If we are mindful of our interactions we discover we cannot give without receiving and we can not receive without giving.  It happens in nature and it happens in relationships.  When you start to witness this back and forth motion it is a beautiful thing to see.

Some years ago I spent three weeks on the island of Kauai, in Hawaii, studying the divine feminine as it was expressed through the women who lived there.  Every morning I would awaken early in order to walk the beach at sunrise, take in the ocean and find shells that had washed up over night.  There were lots of beautiful shells on the beach, most of them small. The larger shells were often broken.

One morning as I walked along  the beach I found a beautiful sea urchin’s shell. It was about 4 inches in diameter and was the color lavender. (shown above in my hand)  I was delighted to find that it was whole when I lifted it from the white sands, into my hand.  Excitement grew as I began to walk with this treasure back to the place I was staying so that I could show the shell to my friends.

I had walked only a few steps when a voice in my head said “this shell must be given to Lee, for it carries a message for her.”  I didn’t know Lee very well because we had met just before the trip, but I knew I had to follow my intuition. I was disappointed that I couldn’t keep this beautiful, perfect lavender shell.  I walked back to where we were staying and knocked on Lee’s door and when she opened it I placed the shell in her hands and said “I found this on the beach and it is for you.”  She hugged me and said thank you.

Over the years Lee and I became friends.  She kept the shell on a shelf in her healing room and once in a while I would see it there and take in it’s beauty.  One Christmas we got together to exchange gifts like we had for many years.  One of the gifts for me was in a square box beautifully wrapped.  When I removed the paper and opened the box, there was the beautiful shell that I had given her years before, being given back to me.

I started to cry as I said “I was told that the shell had a special message for you, do you know what that was?”  She started to cry too and said “I have never had anyone give me something so beautiful, in the way that you did.”  The shell was returned to me at a time when I was learning that giving and receiving were the same thing, because when you truly give without expectation you always get something greater in return, in ways that you might not be aware of.

As we enter into the circle of reciprocity we become spiritual traders of life’s energy.  By this practice we learn that everything lives in reciprocal relationship with everything else, whether we can see the relationship or not.  Only spiritual exchange of energy creates flow. Our giving is our receiving.  As long as the energy keeps circulating there is always enough to go around. There is a ring of support that encircles in and unending flow of reciprocity and it is available to each of us.

Magic on the Waves

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One of my favorite places to hike is the Saint Croix River.  I have gone there for years just to walk along the shore in my bare feet, feeling the sand squish between my toes.  It has always been a place were I could find peace and get back to my center, which is interesting because my brother drowned on this river.

I day several years ago I was having a bad day. I decided to go the river to get back into my center.  The river has always given me gifts when I go. Often they are significant messages for me for where I am in my life.  I was hoping to be gifted with something that would help me shift my mood.

I arrived at the river and descended the stair.  Some time I should count the stairs to see how many their are. I am guessing about 50.  Going down it doesn’t really matter abut coming up it seems like forever before you get to the top.  I went to the waters edge and began to walk.  For a few minutes I watched the swallows flying in and out of their nests that they had created out of mud on the cliff face.  Once a nest was completed it looked like an organic part of the cliff.  The cliffs along this part of the river are peppered with these clay creations.

I walked to the water and took off my shoes and began to walk.  I love the feel of the sand on my feet as the water rolls in over them.  It is organic and cool.  Walking in the water calms me.  I walked only a few feet when a wave carrying an egg came rolling toward me.  Yes a very large egg! I bent down and swooped up the egg in my hand.  I was stunned to receive this gift that was in perfect condition.  As you can see in the photo the egg is dull white with brown splotches on it and is almost 4 inches long from point to point. I picked it up and in almost filled the palm of my hand.  As soon as I picked it up the thought came into my head that it was an eagle’s egg, but I didn’t know for sure.

A pair of blue herons flew by and it seemed they were looking down at me.  Maybe there were scouts out looking for an egg that rolled out of a nest at the heron rookery up stream.  If you have ever seen a rookery the nests are stacked on top of one another like so many condos.  Maybe the egg had fallen from a goose or a swan as she flew over and it dropped safely into the river.  Something had saved if from cracking. Who has eggs roll up on a wave and land in their hand?  All I knew for sure was I was just gifted with an egg.  It was a somewhat smelly but beautiful egg.

I stood at the water’s edge with an egg in my hand and knew that I was holding a metaphor for new life, a time of birthing, a new beginning.  If it was an eagle egg, what a great metaphor for the birth of freedom and new vision!  Now I had shifted back into my center, into that place of patient waiting, that a few hours ago had seemed so hard to contain.  Now it was easy because I understood the metaphor of the gift I had received.

(When I did the research it turned out to be an egg from a Golden Eagle)