You Were Born to Have an Impact



“I alone can’t change society for the better. But I can radically change my own consciousness…”

This is the true task. Transforming your own consciousness. It is a beautiful thing, not in the sense of how it appears as it is happening. But what unfolds through the process.

It’s like the caterpillar as it turns into a butterfly. In the process the self that is not true must turn into soup, which is messy, sloppy, and uncomfortable to experience. Others may judge it and turn away while others stay to provide warmth to support it.

And in the end we become the butterfly of our authentic self and the flicker of our wings causes a ripple that can change the world. 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋



Is This Synchronicity?


I love synchronicity. I even love the word. I am experiencing it more and more these days because of this place of non-resistance I am in.

My word for the year is joy, so every morning I pose the question in my journal about how to line up with joy today. So I did that and my higher wisdom said “keep doing what you are doing.”

so I have been playing with the word joy, and this phrase “I don’t know how ________”

Yesterday we got about 10 inches of snow and I had to move my car off the street before 8 AM this morning, because the city was going to plow our street. I really wasn’t looking forward to digging out so I said out loud. ”

***I don’t know how but it will be easy to move my car!” In my mind I could see my car moving easily down the street, through the snow.

I got bundled up warm, unlocked the door and walked out. There were my neighbors Roger and Mary removing all the snow from my car! I started the car to warm it up and Roger cleared the windows. He told me he would get it out of the snow bank and onto the road so it would be easier for me to drive. Instead he moved it out of the snowbank, down the street and parked it! At the same time another neighbor was shoveling my walk.

Synchronicity? Great intending? Who knows. All I know is it raised the joy vibration of my day 10 fold ❤️

All of this magic took place in 30 minutes!!!

Living Life Like CRAZY!


One day I was looking for an image of an open heart for a blog I was writing. I wasn’t expecting a bunch of photos of open heart surgery. I had chose not to do research on it before surgery or after because I didn’t need to know. Needless to say I was taken aback.

I felt sad for my heart and what it’s been though. I could see how traumatizing and intrusive the surgery was and it explained the pain I am still having. I decided to cut myself some slack and let go of the impatience I had been feeling. I have so much I want to do and can only accomplish a small part of it each day. I stay present with that for the most part and sometimes I don’t.

My heart and spirit are so strong, that’s why I am still here. I have had a few exit points the last two years that I could have taken.

I love my earth experience, it’s beauty and it’s messiness and want to stay.

This journey brought me to the place where I am grateful to be alive and don’t want to waste a minute of it.

I am committed to:
Living my authenticity
Living my wildness
Living like crazy
Living out loud
Living in love

I can’t worry about what people think about me. Life is to short and it can change in an instant for any of us.

I am committed to:
Experiencing joy,
Being creative in everything I do
Being in love
Not holding back
Following the juicy flow of my life
Listening to and following my heart
Singing my soul’s song
And sharing life with like minded people who hold me in the highest regard.A8C71F44-7C67-4502-B2BA-5BE3BD04B7AD-1827-000003E21A0BBFC7

Spiritual Bypass

Spiritual bypass is prevalent in the New Age Movement and it does a disservice to personal growth, transformation and health. Have you ever been in the midst of some deep feelings and emotions only to hear, “You need to uplevel that feeling” or “time to change that story” or “You are going to create more of that if you keep feeling that way” or any version of that which is asking you to stop feeling that way? That is spiritual bypass.

When we bypass our feelings, where do they go? Somewhere in our body, where they can chrystalize into disease, and eminate from our body magnetizing more of the same. It’s unexpressed feelings that create more experiences like that. Heart attacks can be created by unexpressed feelings so can cancer and other diseases.

Feelings have a purpose and they are neutral, not positive or negative. They give us important information. Anger for example isn’t a negative emotion it is giving you information about a situation you are in. Information that can help you make a decision.

When you are with someone who is experiencing strong emotions (that probably make you uncomfortable) the last thing they want is advice about making them go away. In other words telling them they really shouldn’t feel that way. They just want to be heard and witnessed. They will move through them naturally if allowed to express them.




What is authenticity anyway?

Authenticity requires a genuine sharing of our inner world regardless of the consequences. When we abort authentic communication to avoid conflict, judgment, anger or loss the disservice is to ourselves. Why do we do that? Because authenticity is not popular or rewarded in our culture, though it is becoming more and more acceptable.

I have been leaning into my authentic self more and more for a number of years. After the heart attacks it has become even more important. My hearts health function depends on me being real. When I am not, my heart constricts, just like yours does and that over time is not good for your heart, on any level. I have lost several friends this past year for being more real, because it required them to do the same. You will find that happening as well, and that is what stops people from being real.

Authenticity requires vulnerability and letting go of censoring yourself to look good. We have to let go of social programming that doesn’t support authenticity, such as, “being nice”, “avoiding conflict “, and “fitting in”.

At first, being yourself feels awkward( how sad is that?). As you let go of pretending to be someone other than you, it is freeing.

How did being yourself become something that took courage? I don’t know, do you? It should be an act of courage to be real!

You are on earth to be you!! It is the key to awakening your full intelligence, full expression and gifts. We each have gifts, talents, expressions, experiences and wisdom unique to us. Something no one else can offer. No one! The world needs that now more than ever.

If people don’t like your authenticity and true being, they are not you people!!! That’s okay.


Responsibility. Isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

I learned at a very young age the importance of being responsible for myself. ( 4 years old) I took it seriously! Over the years it became a highly developed skill. I was a single parent for 14 years. You become very responsible on that journey. You have to be responsible, brave and courage because little people are depending on you. I got to the point I could do anything! I could brave my way through any situation even if I was afraid, sick or had to do something I didn’t want to do. It becomes who you are and who others think you are. A double edged sword because everyone knows you can take care of yourself.

So a few weeks ago when I posted that I needed help and company because I wanted to break that pattern it was an act of bravery for that part of me that is responsible and can do anything. I posted even though it made me uncomfortable.

I had no idea how people would respond because I had never asked to find out. What a surprise! I have been showered with love, pampered, had healing sessions, several people have brought me groceries, one beautiful friend made a payment on my mortgage, one of my neighbors is shoveling my snow, several friends brought me lunch or dinner and shared it with me, I have had have visitors and got to go to the opening of my daughter’s opening for her photography show.

On another level, I have been blown away, not only because of the response but also by my ability to surrender my responsibility and open to receive, without feeling anything but gratitude.

My heart continues to teach me new ways of being, new ways to let go of control and resistance and be okay in every present moment. The last 21 months have been the hardest months of my life and the most transformational. I will never be the same and I am grateful!

Thank you to everyone who has been with me in friendship, both here on Facebook and present in my life bearing gifts for me. I love all of you. ❤️FC4152DD-57DD-4121-A2C4-A60F36221EA8-1867-0000039CC553E166

I Was Afraid to Look Back!


I sat in the audience near the back of the room, transfixed, as the man in front of the room talked about the powerful art on easels in front of him.  What he was saying shocked me and I could hardly take it in.  He talked about how each image pulled together symbolism from all different cultures around the world into a cohesive whole.

It wasn’t until he said ” and therefore, I am extremely privileged to be here to be more or less the official midwife to announce to the world that this is not just an artist- Katelyn is an initiate of consciousness”, that I went into complete shock and shut down, as the entire room turned toward where I was sitting, stood and began to clap.

The world at that moment was surreal.

I was rushed to the front of the room where I stood paralyzed as people asked me how I did this, what was my process, what did I do to prepare.  I couldn’t speak.

I didn’t do anything special, I just listened to the promptings of my soul and painted pictures of what I was shown.  Images that came so fast and furious for two months that I couldn’t capture them all. I listened and I painted. I painted 44 images in all.

I met Ron Mangravite in 1996, at a spiritual salon that my friend Dr. Jan Adams held in her home once a month.  I happened to bring my paintings with me to the salon and as I sat next to Ron, showing him the images he started saying things about them and their connections to different cultures and mythology and symbolism.  I looked at him and told him I didn’t know what he was talking about.  He told me he thought I had years of study in mythology and ancient symbolism and was surprised when I said no.

After a visit to a friend she decided to help me make the images into a meditation deck and “Awaken the Goddess Meditation Deck” was born.  Ron had told me that if we ever had an art show with my art he wanted to be there to talk about the images.  I had no idea what he would say about my paintings but we invited him to speak at the launch party for the deck.  There were about 100 people in the room.  Everything change for me that night.  Someone spoke the truth about who I was and it scared me to death!

In attempting to find her identity, which is the Goddess, and find ways she could manifest, she apparently went down deep enough to get totally past Katelyn, to get totally past everything but her femininity, because these images are the Goddess.  Katelyn dug down deep enough to get past anything that is the person and found real legitimate expressions that came from such a mixed bag of a culture that it would be very difficult for her to have truly cheated.  She does not know that some of these symbols are Babylonian, Sumerian, Chinese, and Welsh.  She cold not possibly known without at least 10 or 15 years of study.  She could not have made this mixed bag up by faking it.  It has to come from someplace very real. Ron Mangravite


Ron had a mystery school where he taught about occult mysteries and many of his students were in the room.  Some of them were friends of mine.  Other people in the room were friends, family and my two children.  The experience freaked me out.

It didn’t stop me from painting at first.  I painted my impressions of the balance between the masculine and feminine that came through my soul.  There were more then 66 of them.  I met with Ron the next time he was in town and we looked at my art and once again he told me all of the symbolism that he was seeing in my new paintings.  I really couldn’t get my mind around it.  During that meeting I asked him if I could join his mystery school and he told me that I knew more than he did and I wouldn’t benefit from his courses.  Once again I was shocked. I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying to me because it didn’t make sense.  I was just painting what came through me.

Ron told me that he wanted to try and create a workshop that we both would facilitate.  He told me “let us plan on meeting the next time I am north under any circumstances.” He expected that to be around October 1998.  On the 1st of October I was in my studio when suddenly I was downloaded information about the ancient blood mysteries.  I didn’t even know what that meant but I wrote down what I heard.  Ron died that day while teaching his class.  I saw one of his students soon after that and I asked her what she knew about the blood mysteries and I told her the information I had gotten.  She looked at me shocked and said “That is what Ron was teaching the day he died.”

Ron had indeed connected with me in October under any circumstances…

To Be Continued…

Part 2 Why did this scare me so much?

Transformational Space Feels Like the Dark and There is NO WAY OUT!


Becoming conscious can be dark and painful, I know because I chose a life where becoming conscious was a main focus.

About 7 weeks ago I went down a deep rabbit hole due to a lot of intense planetary influences.  I am very connected to the earth and the cosmos so what happens on this planet and beyond impacts me deeply.  I have always paid attention to astrology because I know it has an impact on us, though I think the impact is different now than it was when the system was created.  Depending on how certain planetary event align in your natal chart you will either be blessed by the event or be pushed to look at yourself in a new way.

Trust me when I say that going down a rabbit hole is not my favorite things to do.  It is intense, painful and very uncomfortable and when you are in that space there is a strong sense of finality.  You feel like it will last forever.  The reason this space is so powerful is because it forces you to look deeply at yourself and uncover what is hidden, that is no longer serving you.  It is NOT FUN!

When this particular one began it started after waking up from a dream.  A dream that made me very angry.  I was so angry that I fired all of my guides, decided that all the  new age, metaphysical stuff was not only fluffy but a bunch of crap!!!  I was in a place where I couldn’t believe anything that I thought I knew was truth. I felt stupid for ever thinking I understood anything!!! I didn’t talk to anyone for almost a week.  Both of my kids found me in this space and were very concerned.  I had pretty much had it.

I felt like I was in the dark and I was being squeezed.  I won’t go into the details of what was happening to me because those transformational spaces are sacred ground.  I was in this space for seven weeks.  At one point I thought I had emerged with a deep understanding, which I did, but wham, I was taken down yet again.  It was the same issue but a different layer of understanding would emerge.

Today as I write this I am back in the light and it has a different feel to it.  I am filled with possibilities and see all kinds of potential that I couldn’t see a few days ago. It sounds terrible and it was. I swore A LOT!  That is a rabbit hole and that is what becoming conscious feels like.


I first heard the term “Going down the rabbit hole” in the movie What the Bleep Do We Know.  In the movie they challenged us with the question “How far down the rabbit hole would you like to go? ,using Alice in Wonderlands journey to demonstrate. From my seat in the movie theater it seemed like an adventure.   In the movie the rabbit hole in question was about how much new information about the universe and quantum physics could you take in and still feel sane.  This is one form of rabbit hole.

Exploring your personal depths is another. It is wise not to confuse the story book version of a rabbit hole with the slippery kaleidoscopic vignettes one encounters when slipping down the rabbit hole of your own psyche.  It is one thing to read about doorways into other dimensions of consciousness or see them in movies, and quite another to actually risk entering their depths.  Diving into your own personal rabbit hole feels like you are imploding in on yourself.  You temporarily lose sight of who you are.  I know if you have never been in this space it might be hard to comprehend what it feels like but those of you who have been there know exactly what I mean.

My mission is to know myself, to become more conscious which results in my being as authentic as possible.  I can’t avoid diving into my depths if I want to get there.   Fear will not allow you into the rabbit hole, nor will a tenacious hold on a belief system.  Both of those will keep you from allowing yourself to fall into the abyss of self.  You have to feel your fear and go anyway for the sake of your awakening.

Rabbit holes are only for the passionately curious, for those who are not so tied in and connected to someone else’s answer that the forgot what the question was long ago.  Rabbit holes are definitely not for the faint of heart.  The essential nature of a rabbit hole is to unravel.  What you experience upon entering one will not only blow your mind, it will strip you of all sense of personal identity.  Trust me, being in the dark and not knowing who you are is frightening and it is the reason that keeps most people from exploring their depths.

We humans are amazing creatures and yet most never know this because they haven’t dove into themselves to discover how exquisite we really are.  We are Alice in Wonderland, when she fell down the rabbit hole.  The fall into the dark is very long and very scary but once she landed on solid ground she discovered treasures!


Think of yourself as a new seed that has been planted.  We are always planting new seeds of possibility for ourselves.  In the first three stages of grow the seed is in the dark, germinating.  It is just like being in the rabbit hole because dark is dark no matter where you find it.  You can see what is going on around you.

It is scary and you don’t know what the right direction is. Once the seed begins to grow is slowly emerges from the ground.  It begins to see that the light has returned.  And finally it is above grown and grows into a beautiful flower.  Self discovery is like that.  You go into the dark, you discover your treasures and emerge as a beautiful new flower.


I understand the transformational darkness because I have explored it for many years.  I know how intense if feels but I am not afraid of it because I know what is on the other side.  This is not to say that I am comfortable with it or that it isn’t messy when I am in it.   It is both uncomfortable and messy!!  But I chose to explore it because it means that I am getting closer and close to my authentic self, my soul and to living and authentic life of joy on this amazing planet.


The Expectant Heart

2682523 Painting by Katelyn Mariah

(Rewrite of a blog from 2004)

“Nothing is obtained simply by wanting and nothing is achieved by relinquishing responsibility to a higher authority.  Belief is the act of be-living, for to be live is to believe, and will is the ultimate medium of the self.”


The one with the expectant heart

is pregnant with possibilities…

Seeing hope for the future.

Are you shocked when things turn out good for you, or do you live with an expectant heart, where all things work together for you highest and best?  Your approach to life truly effects the outcome of your day.

There is a supernatural joy that can only be found in total security, in trusting and in allowing good things to come to you. Without these things many people seem to miss out on living a life filled with genuine joy.

If the odds are 100 to 1 that something might turn out in your favor, the expectant heart doesn’t say, why would I win with those odds? No, it says “Hey, someone has to win, why not me?”. If there is only going to be one man/woman standing why not let that one be you, and if each of us thought that than the one man standing would not be standing alone.

The idea of the expectant heart is a powerful one!

My definition of an expectant heart is one that looks forward to the fulfillment of a desired outcome because they know without a doubt that it will happen. They are in a space of trust and allowing so they are expansive to possibilities.   The trick is to be expectant yet being able to let go of expectation.  It is the balance point in a paradox.  There is a subtle but distinct difference between having expectations from a demanding standpoint and being expectant from an allowing and receiving standpoint.  In receiving mode one expects only the best, because why would they expect less for themselves?


“The eye of God sees everything for it contains the vast horizon that stretches through life, life on the planets, life in the cosmos and eternal life. Expand yourself into life and experience all that is possible. The only limitation is your imagination itself.  If you can imagine it, it can be manifest into physical form because you are the co-creator of your experience. You have the ability to create. The wisdom of creation is in your cells, in your DNA and deeply seeded in your soul. You can learn to access those records.  Ask to expand in your wisdom and to be able to live from an expectant heart and you will receive assistance to do so.

Do not live a small life when you can live one of greatness.  Greatness is a choice.

If you have been living small it is time to step into your greatness now, for you are not serving evolution if you are not living to your highest potential.  You are here to do something that only you can do and trying to conform is getting in the way of that achievement.  It doesn’t serve the universe, mankind or you to walk small and hide your authentic self. Step beyond the field of fear, into the embrace of love where all things are not only possible but probable.  It is understood that man has not been taught to live authentic lives yet this is what you are being asked to do.  As children of Creation there is not doubt, for you can be secure in the knowing that you are supported by The Loving Creator who expects the best for you as well as for everyone else.  You are part of that Creative Force.

Infuse yourself in expectancy of the vision of the world the way you desire to see it, send that vision to the higher realms and the magnetic core of the Universe, which is your magnetic core, where is can manifest. Release expectation and hold space for allowing.  In doing so you can expect the desire to be fulfilled.  This is not wishful thinking, it is lining up with the goodness that is your birthright.

It is time to hold space for a world vision that is the highest and best for everyone.  People put a lot of effort, thought and energy into make the world less than what is possible.  Man needs to create a New World vision in all of it’s details. How will it look? How will it feel?  Don’t think small, don’t think small. Don’t think maybe, for doubt will interrupt the creation process.  Do this with your vision for yourself.  What do you want to create? What will it look like? What will it feel like.  Don’t hold back.

Think yes…think big… expect great things…expect total support…expect your dreams to become reality…and what you expect will manifest.  This is the beauty of creating from an expectant heart.


Each person is here for a unique purpose and that purpose can not be fulfilled in its highest from unless we are the complete expression of who we are. It is time to be the expression of your beautiful and authentic self.

It is time to release programs of lack and programs of doubt and fear.  They are holding you back, creating conflict which results in discord.  Release the beliefs based on your history and experience and wipe the slate clear.  We no longer create from history or experience.

Each one of you is a divine spark from the light that is the Creator. Why expect anything less than total support, blessings and love for the expression of Creation that we are.

This calls for greatness that can only happen with an expectant heart that is trusting and secure that it deserves to experience greatness. You need to be all that you can be and that can only happen with total support for being.  In alignment with your heart and the Light all things are probable.”

It is time to live in paradox. Be pregnant with expectation and at the same time let go of expectations.  We are learning to living from a place of allowing and trust.  This calls for a shift in thinking.  Set an intention for yourself to radically alter the way you think, release fear and open to receive harmony, peace, abundance and love.  Greatness is a choice of the heart.  Open to the goodness of the Universe and you will see a magical world unfold in front of you.


(re-write from a piece I wrote in June 2004