My heart was in jail and I didn’t know it!
The armor on my heart had to be broken open, in an aggressive way because on a deep level I wouldn’t allow it to come off. I had experienced more than enough heart break, one of them almost costing my life. With each heart break the armor grew. I could risk my life again for love.
My protection became so much a part of me that I forgot it was there.
I wanted to find love and be in a relationship. I read all the books I could get my hands on about conscious love and relationships. I became the person I wanted to attract, yet nothing happened. I was frustrated with having done the work and seeing no results. I didn’t attract anyone nor did I find anyone I was attracted to. This went on for many years. So many I can’t remember the number. It didn’t make sense.
My heart and soul had other plans…
Ah it was the armor that I had forgotten about! It was not only protecting me but was sending out mixed signal to everyone I met. “I want to be in a relationship ” and ” I can stay single till hell freezes over, I don’t need a man.”
Then the heart attacks started. It would take that kind of force to show me what was going on! My heart wanted to be heard, and I wasn’t listening. It didn’t want to pretend any longer that I could live without love. It also couldn’t deal with with my inner conflict about love and relationships.
It would take 3 heart attacks and open heart surgery to break my heart open!
This became a two year journey. I didn’t need books to learn about love and relationships. I needed to develop a relationship with my heart to learn the secrets.
Each heart attack cracked me open and took me to a deeper level of understanding. Heart attacks 1 and 3 were not just heart attacks, but included stress induced cardiomyopathy also known as Broken Heart Syndrome. People die from this. I got the metaphor loud and clear each time. This wasn’t about dying for me or I would be here with all I went through.
What I learned with each event was stunning and each time I gained new wisdom and my heart got lighter and more open.
Three heart attacks in 10 months took me on a painful journey within, to release what was in the way so I could see the path to love and desire it wholeheartedly.
My soul was so serious and my heart so hell bent on being 100% open once an for all that it pushed me to have open heart surgery. I was a peace with it. What an exquisite message! My body was sawed open so that everyone in the operating room could see my heart, exposed and vulnerable! And the doctors first response “That is the most beautiful, healthiest heart he had ever seen doing this surgery. He had done over a thousand open heart surgery. Most hearts by this point did not look healthy, nor did they look beautiful.
My Heart did because I have a beautiful, healthy heart. It did what it did, not to kill me, but because it wanted to be open and seen. My heart craved love but I didn’t feel safe enough to let it in. This was the only way it was going to happen.
I have met my beautiful heart, learned what I needed to learn, let go of fear, sopped running and started listening and my life has transformed.
I am ready to let love in!