Painting from Soul Art Day

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Title: The Path if the Highest Version of Myself as an Incarnated Human

This is Year I participated in Soul Art Day, which was June 5th. I knew about Soul Art Day for a few years but it called to me this year.

We were lead through a process to help us get clear on the intention we wanted to set for the soul art.  Part of the process was two take 2 minutes to write a spontaneous story using the words that came out of the meditation.

My story:

There was a Vibrant, free spirited woman who is on s path of revolution. She wants to have an impact on the world. It is her task to Awaken the world to the Divine Feminine through love and an open heart. She paints…she writes…she creates magic we’re ever she goes.

As she played in her mission she is joyful because she knows she is doing what she came to do. As a result she lives a bountiful, lush and regenerative life.

That woman is me.

As I opened the space to paint I asked to be shown the path to the highest version of myself as an incarnated human.

The painting unfolded like magic. No preconceived notions or thoughts about symbolism. Just listening. The hand in the painting is a tracing of my actual hand.

One of the fun parts for me is exploring the symbolism. I am always surprised at how the symbolism that shows up is perfect for the question. This piece was no exception.

“Trees remain connected to their origin by an umbilical Cord” (actual message I received)

You can see that each tree has an umbilical cord to the acorn it came from. Druid is the Celtic Word for acorn. My ancestry is Irish and I wouldn’t be surprised if I have Druid origins. This is talking not only of the tree being connected to its origins but me as well.

Acorn has deep and rich symbolism in Druidry. It literally translates as oak knowledge, and is the symbol of the Druids. Oak knowledge dealt with the survival of the Celtic People. This was the knowledge of nature, astronomy, math, growing food and of the spirit world.

The acorn teaches us about our own potential and how one acorn can grow into a massive oak and seed a whole forest. Even though we can’t see the roots, we can see their influences.

On the left hand side a rainbow spans over five seeds of possibility popping through the fertile, moist soil being nourished by the sun.

The dream seeds that I have planted are beginning to grow! The rainbow speaks to hope and trusting the process.

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“A honeymoon comet flies through the sky.” ( message I received)

The comet signals a rebirth within us, new beginnings from which we can begin the next part of our life journey. We have witnessed the death of old things, ideas, patterns in our lives. We have experienced a period of upheaval, where we are unsure of all the things we were once certain of and we have taken time to evaluate the path we were on. Now is the time to start a new path with the clarity that is reborn within us, and we embark on a new journey, towards our true destination  that is realigned with our soul.

This is exactly where I am in my life after three years with heart issues.

Couple this with the honeycomb and we have a profoundly powerful symbol.

Honeycomb takes its symbolic meaning from the bee and the beehive as well as the honey.  It is one of the key symbols used to describe cells in the matrix. It is literally the place where a bee stores it’s honey. Symbolically, a bee is a spiritual traveler, honey is spiritual input, thus a honeycomb is symbolically the place in the body where spiritual input is stored. In the painting that would be the heart. Spiritual input is healing energy.

The template of the body is a form of matrix with cells all mapped out, like the honeycomb, so the honeycomb represents the spiritual body. If the honeycomb is full it is packed with spiritual energy.

Healing angels descend on ladders of light. “ (message I received)

The ladders of light are actual strands of DNA and the Angels are going right into the DNA to repair and heal it.  The tumor parathyroid tumor on the back of my heart is the target.

The other thing happening is the darkness is lifting in the background.

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The Vine of Life surrounds the sun. “ (message I received)

The sun is a universal symbol of the higher-self, god made manifest and the central source of the light of the soul. The sun is a figure in the outer world of the Heart of God according to Jacob Boehme.  As a symbol of the higher self it is a means by which the lower consciousness shall rise to union with the higher. In this case the Christ Consciousness, which is known as the vine of life.

the Vine of Life is an early Christian symbol that was considered sacred in Ancient Sumerian. The vine is a symbol of life and represents something deeper: abundant life.

As you can see the hand, which is my own hand, has been activated with ancient healing symbols, one on each finger and the Palm is filled with healing energy from the spiral. All of life in the three-dimensional universe moves in a spiral path, from the tiny DNA helix to the greatest galaxy. The spiral represents the whole process of the cosmic evolution.

Just looking at ancient symbols can have a positive effect. They invoke an ancient remembering and instill peace with in you. They can also boost your energy levels. Often times we don’t find references to specific symbols because ancient alchemy symbols were often hidden to disguise there power from the church of Europe. The symbols on the hand are probably a combination of a couple of symbols.

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All of this speaks to the powerful healing that is depicted in this painting that permeates deeply into the psyche.

My link in the International Soul Art Day Gallery

 

 

I Understand…

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45878471 – ruby-throated hummingbird in the garden

Hummingbirds gifts include the ability to heal by using light as a laser from mouth, endurance over long journeys, ability to fly into small places to heal, joy, happiness, love, timelessness, and the ability to do the impossible.

I understand why people want to give up when they are going through a long health crisis.  I can even understand why someone in this circumstance would commit suicide, though I haven’t thought of it myself.

I felt like giving up many times. There were also times when I wished I wasn’t here.

I understand going from living a life where you were healthy and didn’t have to worry about money to having health and money the thing always on your mind.

I went from healthy and having money. I could travel and buy things when I needed them. I could donate money to friends in need and causes that I supported. And then I experienced a life-threatening illness and lose all the money I had.

I understand the fear, the pain, the frustration and anger at a situation that seems like it will never end.

I understand the fear of going to sleep not knowing if you will wake up again.

I understand going through this alone because you don’t have a partner.

I understand the embarrassment of not being able to take care of your basic needs. I understand being behind on your mortgage fearing you would lose your home.

I understand not being able to buy healthy food and supplements and treatment that will help you get well again because you have no money.

I understand waiting in line at the food shelf and being grateful to have food for a week even if it isn’t the healthiest food available.

I understand people judging you. I understand being misunderstood. I understand losing friends in the process.

I understand the frustration you feel when people have no idea what you are going through.

I understand fatigue, no energy, no motivation.

I understand being sick and having no money. I understand having a negative bank balance and no food.

I understand how alone you feel.

I understand why people want to give up. I understand why people want to die.

I also understand resilience. ❤️

I understand seeing a ray of hope and having that as the object of your focus. I understand it often shifts your thinking.

I understand what happens when you overcome your fear and embarrassment and ask for help. People want to help you. I understand how it feels to ask for money and what happens when you allow people to help you.

I understand diving deep into yourself to find what your illness is trying to tell you and how there is always a solution that will help you heal.

I understand how uplifting it is to have friends come to visit, make your meals, take you to dinner, give you money when you need it.

I understand believing in yourself and trusting the process even when it is difficult to do that. I have experienced miracles when I have let go.

i understand we have something higher than ourselves that is watching over us and has our back.

I understand we have Guides and angels ready to step in and help if we ask.

I understand accepting illness rather than fight it and how acceptance allows us to heal.

I understand everything about having a life-threatening illness and being in a financial crisis at the same time because I have experienced them both. I understand how hard it is. I am here to tell you,

Don’t give up ❤️

You are not alone 💜

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or feel embarrassed if you have to. 🧡

You will get through this. 💚

You are resilient. 💙

You are loved. ❤️

KatelynMariah

It’s Easier to Hide than be Seen.

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The way I have chosen to use Facebook is to allow people to watch my inner process as it unfolds, uncensored. This is unprecedented work because people don’t do this sort of thing on social media. They probably do do it in real life either.   It’s easier to look like you are all together and positive all of the time. I don’t know about you but I am not always positive and upbeat. I like to think I am a balance of both. Sounds human to me.

I have been called to do it differently. The books I write and what I share on social media are real, authentic, raw life as it unfolds. It makes some uncomfortable and others feel the connection to something in them.

I am living a human experience just like the rest of the humans on the planet. Some can relate to something I say or feel because we all feel these feelings at times in our lives. I am just saying it out loud. It’s through our openness, rawness and realness that we heal, not only ourselves but those watching who can take it in.

The problem in this kind of sharing is it is subject to interpretation which may or may not be accurate. People might think I am falling apart when I am not. People might thing I am broken when I am not. The interpretation is based on individual filters.  I am okay with that. If someone thinks I am crazy, oh well…

Vulnerability hasn’t always been easy for me. Trust me when I say it has taken 30 years of deep inner work to feel comfortable letting people see me when things might not be so great. One has to be comfortable with what is happening before they can say it out loud to other people. Shame, embarrassment and fear of judgment usually stop us from being authentic. I had to work through all of that.

I am on the planet to help empower others. I do that by sharing who I am. By sharing my struggles and my victories and by normalizing the whole human experience. It’s okay not to be okay all of the time. It doesn’t take away from your value. In fact being vulnerable increases our sense of love and belonging.

Look out…I’m in a Mood

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I am in a mood…not a bad mood but a real mood.

Wow, I just scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook and so much ‘we create our own reality, and this is all happening to make you a better person’, and that kind of thing. No offense to anyone because I think that way too.

I get it… but sometimes reality sucks. It really does!

Right now I am thinking that being grateful and holding a positive intention when life looks the complete opposite might just be a way of bypassing reality. I have done it for a while waiting for a shift. Yes I see increments of change but not enough and not fast enough.

I am in the muck for some reason and it’s real. I am just looking at it objectively and wondering what to do with it. I have felt all the feelings, I have combed through my inner landscape for clues and gems, and treasures and I have found the real me. Today the dust has settled and I am wondering what is this stuff called my life and what am I supposed to do with it?

I have gone through almost 3 years of challenge with my heart, breaking open, healing, breaking open and healing again. Now to have to deal with a renegade parathyroid. To top it off all of this has left me in a challenging place financially. In physical reality each one of those things would be a challenge all by itself!  I actually don’t know how I have done it for almost three years.

So the muck is real. I know lotuses grow out of the muck and mud and become beautiful flowers. I am just not there today! Right now I see mud!

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I painted this mood years ago. It’s a familiar place. The painting is called “ The Cauldron of Creativity “. I don’t know if she is sinking in or rising up.

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Feeling blessed…

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I love this quote. It is so true that when you can see the blessings in everything that comes into your life no matter what is happening, the lens of life changes. When you are seeing life from your soul’s perspective. Judgment falls away.

This is not to say it will be easier, or that everything will be wonderful but through a lens that uses life experience as a way to evolve and discover who you truly are, any thing is possible.

You will see miracles. You will experience love and support all around you and you will feel blessed.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the universe because I know I am always supported on earth, beyond around and beside me. My life hasn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination and I sometimes wonder how I got through what I gotten through the last three years yet I have been blessed in so many ways at the same time because of my connection to my spiritual path and my higher intelligence.

I hope you see the blessings and miracles around you too. ❤️

Figuring Things out is Just Resistance

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We are taught to “figure things out” in our lives. I have gotten really good at it over the years. Until I realized that “figuring things out” was resisting what is and creating a story. What does this mean, what does that mean? Storytelling is our way of making sense of things but it takes us out of the moment and being in acceptance of the present.

I have learned through this heart journey that I might think I know what is going on and what it all means, but I don’t really know. Anything I decide is just speculation and storytelling so I feel a sense of control, power and safety.

My recent bypass stripped that all away. My heart was “opened, exposed and vulnerable ” both literally and metaphorically. I have surrendered my need to know and understand what it means and am allowing what is, the good, the bad, the ugly, it’s all part of the experience. Because of this surrender I am healing quickly and know in my heart I will recover completely.

I am at peace and in that peace all things are possible.

Releasing the Armor to Love

My heart was in jail and I didn’t know it! 

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The armor on my heart had to be broken open, in an aggressive way because on a deep level I wouldn’t allow it to come off. I had experienced more than enough heart break, one of them almost costing my life. With each heart break the armor grew. I could risk my life again for love.

My protection became so much a part of me that I forgot it was there.

I wanted to find love and be in a relationship. I read all the books I could get my hands on about conscious love and relationships. I became the person I wanted to attract, yet nothing happened. I was frustrated with having done the work and seeing no results. I didn’t attract anyone nor did I find anyone I was attracted to.  This went on for many years. So many I can’t remember the number.  It didn’t make sense.

My heart and soul had other plans…

Ah it was the armor that I had forgotten about! It was not only protecting me but was sending out mixed signal to everyone I met. “I want to be in a relationship ” and ” I can stay single till hell freezes over, I don’t need a man.”

Then the heart attacks started. It would take that kind of force to show me what was going on! My heart wanted to be heard, and I wasn’t listening. It didn’t want to pretend any longer that I could live without love. It also couldn’t deal with with my inner conflict about love and relationships.

It would take 3 heart attacks and open heart surgery to break my heart open!

This became a two year journey.  I didn’t need books to learn about love and relationships. I needed to develop a relationship with my heart to learn the secrets.

Each heart attack cracked me open and took me to a deeper level of understanding. Heart attacks 1 and 3 were not just heart attacks, but included stress induced cardiomyopathy also known as Broken Heart Syndrome. People die from this. I got the metaphor loud and clear each time.  This wasn’t about dying for me or I would be here with all I went through.

What I learned with each event was stunning and each time I gained new wisdom and my heart got lighter and more open.

Three heart attacks in 10 months took me on a painful journey within, to release what was in the way so I could see the path to love and desire it wholeheartedly.

My soul was so serious and my heart so hell bent on being 100% open once an for all that it pushed me to have open heart surgery. I was a peace with it. What an exquisite message! My body was sawed open so that everyone in the operating room could see my heart, exposed and vulnerable! And the doctors first response “That is the most beautiful, healthiest heart he had ever seen doing this surgery. He had done over a thousand open heart surgery. Most hearts by this point did not look healthy, nor did they look beautiful.

My Heart did because I have a beautiful, healthy heart. It did what it did, not to kill me, but because it wanted to be open and seen. My heart craved love but I didn’t feel safe enough to let it in. This was the only way it was going to happen.

I have met my beautiful heart, learned what I needed to learn, let go of fear, sopped running and started listening and my life has transformed.

I am ready to let love in!

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A Grateful Heart is Magnetic to Miracles

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Breaking a pattern, a very old pattern.

I posted this on my Facebook page after having Open Heart surgery.

For the last two weeks my kids have been supporting me while I heal, being with me, making meals, doing things I can’t do. My son leaves tomorrow and I will be on my own. I woke up thinking ‘now what?’

My pattern, which started when I was sick at age four, is to move into super human mode and take care of myself. Pushing through things that I really shouldn’t be doing because there isn’t anyone else to do them. I know why I do it and where it came from.

I don’t want to continue this pattern. It is very lonely and not the best thing for healing. I have done it through a number of serious physical issues and I don’t want to do it again.

It has been two weeks today since I had open heart surgery. I am recovering nicely yet there are a lot of things I still can’t do and I am tired and still in pain. I am having trouble with my eyes so I can’t read or paint. I don’t want to sit in front of the television all day.

So to break this pattern I am asking any of my twin cities friends to come by and visit. Maybe have tea, bring your favorite movie and we can watch It together or just have a nice visit. We could play in my sound healing room and both benefit too. I need to play with friends ❤️

I need company, human interaction, help and healing vibes. I do alone very well. This healing journey is asking for a different approach. A heart centered approach where I let people support me and don’t fall into do it alone…again.

Send me a private message if you would like to hang out ❤️

PS. This isn’t easy for me to do.

I was overwhelmed by the positive responses I got to this message.

Acceptance and gratitude have been my words since open heart surgery.

Gratitude for the outpouring of support I have gotten from so many people. My heart feels full and I know that all will be well. So many positive things I never expected happened. Messages from friends and the universe that everything would turn out in my favor. Being in gratitude makes my heart happy.

I have known since the third heart attack that letting go of resistance would be my heart’s healing balm but that is easier said than done when your life is on the line.

My resistance took the form of finding an answer, finding the solution to the issue my heart had, doing something different that would change everything. It felt like I was being proactive but really it was a form of resisting and not accepting what was happening. Don’t get me wrong, that was also what I needed in order to survive. But so was acceptance. Acceptance and resistance could have danced in a more balanced way.

The irony here is my body was resisting the stents at the same time. Every one of them closed off very quickly. My heart suffered in my resistance and it is thriving, and will continue to thrive in my acceptance and I feel so much peace.

My friend Dawn and I had a long conversation last night and she said “what do you think they are bypassing?” I didn’t even have to think and said “My resistance!” This bypass is symbolic of my process of letting go.

Think about your own resistance to living fully. It might not look how you think it looks.

Thank you to everyone! Your, comments, ❤️’s 😮’s👍🏼’s, phone calls, private messages, visits, posts on my wall have all meant so much to me. I know I have a huge support team here and in other realms that will make surgery a huge success and give me my life back. Thank you from the bottom, top and middle of my heart. ❤️🌹😍