Launching a New Book

I am a treeStrong limbed and deeply rootedMy fruit is bittersweetI am your mother (2)

I am really excited to be publishing my fourth book!!

Here is a little background…

My story, the short version

One would think that someone who had 3 heart attacks over 10 months must be unhealthy.  That wasn’t true of me. I was healthy, ate healthy food and had worked on personal development for years. I had no warning when I had the first heart attack on March 20, 2016, which was caused by a fire in my dryer.  That fire turned into a blessing because that uncovered the issue that was happening in my arteries. I had the second heart attack in Austria and was hospitalized for a week in a hospital wear 95% of the people didn’t speak English. That by itself taught me a lot. The third heart attack happened January 2017.  All three of them were the result of elevated Lipoprotein (a) and I tell these transformational stories and how I healed my heart in Resilient Heart along with techniques for you can use to strengthen, enhance your health and open your heart.

The importance of this mission wasn’t lost on me and through my own transformation and healing I found pearls that will help you!  That is the kind of deep sea diving I like! It made this difficult journey worth it for me.

I began writing first in my journal, next in my blog and then I put it all together into a book.  There were times during that period where I didn’t have any energy but I could lay in bed and research and I could write in my journal.  I knew from the beginning that this was an important healing journey, I didn’t realize how BIG.

I am on a mission to end heart disease! I want to be part of the solution.  Did you know that 80% of all heart disease is preventable? Our friends and family are dying from it and they don’t have too.  That is why I want this book to become a reality and get out into the world.  I discovered things in my research that doctors weren’t telling patients.  Things they need to know.

For example: 1 in 5 people have elevated Lipoprotien (a) yet they don’t test for it in the US or treat it.  I have to find alternative ways to heal in order to save my life.  I share that in my book.

I have started an Indigogo campaign to help with publishing.  You can be a part of the solution to by joining me in making a contribution to this project. I have some awesome perks that you can purchase and the funds go toward the campaign.  Let’s start saving some hearts.

View the campaign here

Book Cover:




Doctor on My Wrist

170739“The Inner Physician is active and engaged in every moment directing traffic within your body, making sure you body is working to the best of its ability withing its given environment.  It takes care of the body functions, with or without our help or the help of a medical professional.  When we work consciously with it rather than unconsciously against it, miracles happen.  We will know when it is time to work in conjunction with our doctor to heal our conditions and we will know when we should us alternative methods…Tapping into this energy we discover lost parts of ourselves and access higher wisdom.

When the Inner Physician is engaged, a union occurs between the soul, heart, mind and Creator, so that they can work together to maintain homeostasis.  In partnership with the Inner Physician the power to return to wellness is strengthened. The more at ease we are at the idea the greater our chances for true health to occur.  As we see and experience the power and potential that resides within the body, many of the fears we have carried regarding our health, fade away.  We see that we can have an active role in reaching health and wellness and we are empowered to take the steps. When you realize that the Inner Physician is working for you at all times, you will know that you are never alone in this pursuit for health and well-being. The key to self-healing is learning to trust this intuitive part of you.”

Empowered Health and Wellness: Awakening Your Inner Physician by Katelyn Mariah

Another term for the Inner Physician is Somatic Intelligence.  Somatic Intelligence is an integrated intelligence of the body, mind, emotions and spirit.  Somatic Intelligence is concerned with developing your capacities for:

  • Centered presence
  • Resilience
  • Handling pressure under stress
  • Awareness and mindfulness
  • Working with energy
  • Wellbeing
  • Tapping into the body-mind intelligence/intuition

Somatic intelligence represents an intersection between the practical and profound.  It is an invitation into a deeper alignment with our innate intelligence/Inner Physician.  This intelligence brings about a self-sustainable new order of functions from these three fundamental characteristics: It is self-sensing, self-organizing and self-renewing

Somatic Intelligence can be learned by reading about it but the deeper learning and connection comes from experiencing it. I learned it from within my own body and consciousness.  The willingness to pay deep attention to the inner wisdom and movement of your body is a fully sufficient teacher to move you into a state of utter wholeness and aliveness.   But we are not taught how to do that.

Everyone needs to learn to tap into this innate intelligence.  This is where our truth is found.  The harmony created between our partnership with the Inner Physician/somatic intelligence is what creates miracles. The miracles I have experienced recently and int the past have happened when I have been in co-creation with the Inner Physician.

Do you know how to tap into your Inner Physician?

This is why I am so EXCITED about the HELO: Health and Lifestyle Oracle, because it is a wearable device that helps us get in touch with this intelligence.  It helps us create coherence by monitoring our health and vital functions. What looks like a watch band is helping us communicate with our Inner Physician in real time.  It is a mobile health and wellness monitor that it like having a doctor on your wrist, only this doctor knows everything about your body.  This is an invaluable tool for well-being for anyone whether you have health concerns or not.



The HELO LX is a breakthrough wearable technology, one of the most advanced lifestyle monitoring technology on the market today.  It empowers you to learn about what is normal for your body, make you more aware of your body, and what it needs and helps you avoid issues before they happen and gives you peace of mind!  This device has everything other lifestyle trackers has plus BP, Heart Rate, Breath, Mood, Energy, Real time EKG/ECG and soon will have Blood Sugar monitoring and Blood Alcohol.

Do you want to start a relationship with your Inner Physician?

Discover Helo will give you the details

We are powerful creators!



For a few years I have taken issue with the theory around the Law of Attraction because it feels like something is missing and there is a lot of spiritual bypassing in it.

The other day I heard a quote that has me pondering if this is part of what is missing.  It goes something like this,  Everything you are experiencing now is because of what you asked for.  To me that is different than thoughts become things. Here is why…

A few days before I heard that quote I wrote this question in my journal ” why would someone create the experience of having 3 heart attacks in ten months ” which I had done.  Some people told me it meant something was wrong with my thinking. Others often solutions of food and supplements I might try. Others just felt sorry for me.

Then I heard the quote Everything you are experiencing now is because of what you asked for.  It’s like the concept of sending out rockets of desire but it landed differently inside of me.

On March 8 2016 I did a ritual on the Eclipse, which astrologically was a powerful one for me.  Two of the things I asked for were Supreme Health and Wellness and a conscious partnership.

On March 20, 2016, the Spring Equinox, I had the first heart attack.

One of the things I learned early in this heart journey is that my heart was shut down because of earlier life trauma. Trauma I had worked on many times over the years. What remained was hidden from me at the cellular level.

Cellular memory is hard to reach. Which meant it was pretty much impossible for me to have supreme health and a conscious partnership.  My desire for both was strong and the universe was listening and took the most efficient way to open my heart…heart attacks.

This is a different twist on the Law of Attraction where thoughts become things. I wasn’t thinking about having heart attacks. I was thinking quite the opposite. It was confusing because simplistically the Law of Attraction says, negative thoughts become negative things and positive thoughts become positive things.

Accordingly id something bad happens you created it by what you were thinking. There is a lot of shame in that.

If my positive intentions to have supreme health and wellness and a conscious partnership created three heart attacks because that was the pathway to get there, that’s a great thing! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. The universe chose the most effective and efficient way to clean up and clear out what wasn’t in alignment with my intentions.

AND now I am in a space where I can magnetize them because my heart is open and returning to wellness!

Create Your Own Natural Heart Bypass


This information blew me away!  Just the possibility that something like this can happen got my imagination going.  I made up my mind then and there that I was going to grow one to bypass the stent that couldn’t be opened.

Before having a heart attack, I had never heard of the heart’s little collateral arteries. In fact I only learned about them after having a stress test, after the second heart attack.  I was frustrated with the idea that doctors wanted to go back into my heart because I was having chest pain.  I started researching and stumbled upon the first of many articles about natural bypass.

Collateral arteries are small, normally closed arteries that, in times of dire need, such as a blocked coronary artery that leads to a heart attack, can wake up, open wide, and enlarge enough to form a kind of detour around the blockage, thus providing an alternate route of blood supply to feed the oxygen-starved heart muscle. Do-it-yourself bypass surgery!

When cholesterol-clogged plaque narrows an artery that feeds the heart, the body responds by trying to bulk up tiny blood vessels in the heart. As these so-called collateral vessels grow more muscular and interconnected, they begin to reroute some of the blood flow around the blockage. Scientists have been trying for years to nudge collateral blood vessels to develop and prosper, but without great success. However, you can do it at home without anything more high-tech than a comfortable pair of shoes, reports the Harvard Heart Letter in its January 2008 issue.

Growing new collateral blood vessels can ease chest pain (angina), limit heart attack damage, improve survival rate. Exercise dramatically increases blood flow through the coronary arteries. The inner lining of the arteries responds to this “stress” much as it does to the stress of atherosclerosis, by stimulating collateral blood vessels to elongate, widen, and form new connections.

My research said that a little bit of exercise wouldn’t do the trick. I read that you need to push your heart. If you aren’t used to exercising, that may mean brisk walking. Any activity that gets your heart beating faster will do as long as you keep it up for 20 to 30 minutes at a time and do it several times a week It is a great way to prevent Heart disease, Hypertension, High cholesterol, Diabetes, and Migraines, and studies show that it can help some people with narrowed coronary arteries safely avoid bypass surgery or angioplasties.

In response to endurance exercise training, such as running, bicycling, swimming and hiking, blood flow is increased.  This leads to a conversion from capillaries into collaterals.  This is treatment that anyone can accomplish.  It reduces the chances of the occurrence of angina pectoris, myocardial infarctions, and death.

Beyond the interventional, surgical and medical treatments against coronary artery disease, which can have serious side effects, collateral training is a natural and valuable therapy that many patients can apply themselves once they are aware of the possibility.

When you do aerobic exercise the blood flow is increases and the inner layer of vessel cells (endothelial cells) sense this necessity and start the process of forming new arteries called “collateral vessels”. In response to endurance exercise training blood flow is increased, which leads to formation of collaterals. Small bypass vessels which act as a ‘back-up system’ for the heart’s main arteries play a significant role in reducing the mortality of patients with coronary artery disease, according to new research.

There is an actual therapeutic process that they can do that uses compression on your legs and this pressure is supposed to make your heart work harder. It is called EECP which stands for enhanced external counterpulsation.

This safe, noninvasive therapy is often called a “natural bypass” because as it dramatically boosts circulation and increases blood flow throughout the body, EECP also stimulates collateral blood flow. Collateral arteries are small blood vessels that, in the presence of insufficient blood supply, open, enlarge, and create a detour or alternative pathway for blood to flow around blockages in major arteries. Collaterals are truly nature’s coronary artery bypass, and EECP helps open them up. Over time it can force your heart to create a natural by pass.  It takes six weeks and you have to go in for treatment every day.  That was way too much work as far as I was concerned.

After reading the research I had a follow-up visit with my primary care physician.  I wanted to see what she had to say about this idea and even though I thought she might think I was crazy I asked the question.  She reached over and grabbed my treatment plan and started drawing a picture for me about how natural bypass can happen.  I was stunned that she knew and that she was telling me about it!

The following day I saw my chiropractor and was talking to her about the chest pain, stress test and the small blocked artery I had that couldn’t be opened when I was in Austria.  The first thing she said was “you don’t have to worry about that you are going to grow new arteries to compensate.”  This was without any prompting from me or talk about the research I had found.

I brought this subject up to my Naturopathic Doctor in a phone call and she agreed that it was very possible and said that information usually doesn’t trickle down to physicians.  I learned later on that 4 people I knew had experienced this happening to them.

I think that if doctors and the medical profession can be patient with our healing and not jump immediately to stents or bypasses there is a huge possibility that our hearts can and will create natural bypasses.

All I needed was the collaboration with my doctors that it was possible to grow a natural bypass and I made up my mind to do it!  I even announced on Facebook that I was going to. There wasn’t any evidence that I had a collateral artery forming when I was in Austria in August.  It was in November that I decided if it was possible, I would make it happen. I didn’t give it much thought after that.

When I went in for the intake interview for Cardio Rehab after the third heart attack in January 2017 the rehab therapist was talking to me about my stents.  He pulled out a report that had a drawing on it of my arteries and where the stents were placed.  He looked at it and said “Oh, I see you have a collateral artery.”  I said “What, I grew one!  I wanted to do that!!!”  I was jumping for joy inside.  He looked at me and said no one had ever said they wanted to grow a new artery in his office before.  I said “That is because they don’t know that they can!”

I did it! I grew a natural bypass.  How awesome is that?

Here is my before and after.  There was no evidence when I had the heart attack in Austria that this was even starting to happen.


There is a lot of articles written about this on line and I encourage you to do research for yourself.  You will also find several other interventions beyond exercise that can assist the body in creating natural bypasses.


I just finished my new book Resilient Heart: a field guide to a happy healthy heart

Visit my indigogo campaign for details 

Courage is my Default Setting


Courage and bravery are my default setting.  They haves been since I was four years old.  They get turned on when I am in threatening situations.  Instead of getting scared I get stronger, more alert, funny and peaceful.  It is not a way to avoid my feelings, it is just my strong suit.

I have gotten through the last eight months because of my courage and stubbornness.  Damn it! I wasn’t going to let 2 heart attacks get me down.  There was a benefit to all the courage and bravery because they didn’t get me down.

I went to see the movie: Arrival, last weekend.  I went by myself, forgetting that movies often trigger me. If there is something inside me that needs to release, a movie will trigger it!  The movie Arrival did that.  I began to feel anxiety during the trailers and it built from there.  Don’t get me wrong, this is an amazing movie that everyone should see but it held my trigger.

I don’t think I will give anything away by saying what it was.  Watching the crew trying to communicate with the aliens.  They didn’t have the same language and they had to figure it out.  It was painstaking and frustrating.

Watching that catapulted me back to the six days I spent in the hospital in Austria where 95% of the staff and both of my room mates spoke German.  I got in touch with all of the feelings that my strength and bravery put a lid on.  My default feeling is not a way of avoiding what I am feeling but a tool for survival.

Suddenly watching the movie I felt the fear, frustration, sadness, anxiety and feels of being trapped in a situation where I had no control and had to surrender to that.  I felt like my heart was going to explode and it was painful and intense.   It was coming out whether I liked it or not.  At the end of the movie I couldn’t get out of the theater fast enough.   I made my way to my car, called a friend and blubbered my way through a conversation as I hung my head over my steering wheel and cried.  I felt a myriad of feelings for several days and then they were gone.  It felt like a turning point in my healing…

Not being me


I never felt like I belonged.

I spent many years trying not to be who I am so I would fit in.  It wasn’t that I was being fake, I hid myself by being quiet and observing, looking for safe places where I could open up.  I kept my real self hidden, afraid to let people in because I was different. I think differently, I am ultra-creative, my mind is very open to new, unusual and “out there things”, I rebel against authority, can’t stand the status quo, I hate when people say things about me that aren’t tru, I get bored easily, I know things I shouldn’t know, I can see 360 degrees around a problem and come up with a unique and perfect solution and so much more.  What would people think if they knew that?  It took a long time for me to let people get a glimpse of me and it was only a handful of people.

What a sad social program fitting in is! We will never feel like we belong. How can we if we are not in touch with our authentic self. People can’t connect to something that isn’t real unless they are pretending too. But that isn’t true connection.  We aren’t socialized to really connect and be authentic. We are socialized to be the same, fit in so we can be acceptable.

Its still happening. I see it happening to my grandson in school. Sit still, be quiet, don’t disrupt or we will put you at a table facing the wall. We will make you stand out for being “bad”. They say “No” to his “yes” and take away his power because he I’d different. He is a creative spirit, like I am and like his mom is and that doesn’t fit into the school program.

I have been pealing back the layers of “not me” for many years, putting my toe in the real water to see what happens. It’s scary at times but I do it anyway. People who I thought were friends have left because me being real means they have to be real too. They liked the quiet, pretend me better I guess.

Finally my heart said no more! Enough playing by the rules and hiding. You must be real to save your life! Your authenticity will create the life that you have dreamed about. The real you is magnetic to other real people and the real things that make your heart sing.

So since the heart attack I have been transparent about the good, bad and ugly and it has been scary, but the more I am my authentic self the fear has faded away. Yes, I have been misunderstood , and people have walked away and that is okay. If people don’t like me they don’t belong in my life. What they think about me is a reflection on themselves . We are deserved to be loved, respected, listened to and heard and accepted and honored for who we are and that has to start within. From there it will ripple out and come back as a reflection outside of you.

When you fit in and belong to yourself you can fit it and and belong to others.

Let’s be Real.


Who or What is God?



This was the greatest gift I received from the second heart attack, an expansive opening to the Divine Masculine and Feminine.

I was raised Catholic as a child. I remember laying on the ground looking up at the sky and taking things away thinking, what if there were no trees, no birds, no sky, no earth, where is God if everything is gone.  It made no sense to me.

I was taught that God was a man, with a white beard and white robes who sat on a throne and all of us souls knelt in front of HIM and worshiped Him for eternity.  Even as a child that sounded really boring to me.  I was the only girl in my eighth grade class who didn’t want to be a nun.

God was a foreign concept to me.  He was a man who wasn’t very compassionate, was domineering, judgmental and punishing.  I remember when eating meat on Friday meant going to hell.  That didn’t seem like a loving God to me.

When I was 14 I decided that I felt closer to God sitting in a tree so I dropped out of the Catholic church. My father who was a convert to Catholicism didn’t speak to me for 3 months saying that I was going against the establishment.  I really wasn’t, I was just following my heart.

I have been trying to figure this out all of my life!  My disenchantment with the church made me resist organized religion.  Most religions are based on a Male God and that didn’t work for me.

In the early 1990’s I started painting The Goddess. (You can find the story in my book Empowered Health and Wellness: Embracing the Inner Physician)  I will briefly describe the experience.  I had been sick with a sore throat for several months and a spontaneous image came to me which I realized was The Goddess.  I painting 44 images that became a meditation deck called Awaken the Goddess.  It was a way to explore the Divine Feminine within.

Now we have the Goddess Movement, which leaves out God. Bringing back the Goddess who has been hidden for 2000 years.  But the Goddess has been with us all along.  We don’t need to bring her back.  She is here and so is God.  They can’t be separated!

My connection with the Goddess energy was a beginning but it still created a separation of the sexes.  The masculine and feminine were not seen as united in the understanding of God.  We had gone through the Women’s Liberation Movement and that made the separation even stronger.  Women began blaming men for all of their problems and saw men as flawed.  I could never understand women complaining about men all of the time.  They didn’t understand that their complaints were holding men hostage energetically to the very things women didn’t like in men!  The chasm of the sexes widened and we became independent and didn’t need each other.

I was trying to move away from separation and separation was being re-inforced.  I started painting my understanding of the Masculine Principle and the unity between Masculine and Feminine and painted about 60 images.  I still didn’t feel connected to what it meant.  It was still images of people and that didn’t make sense to me.

The New Age movement had a hand in shutting down my connection with God even further, because of the masculine connotations of God and because according to the movement ” we have everything we need within and to reach for God meant dependency. God was male and there wasn’t a female component.  I tried to believe that I had everything I needed within me and had conversations with my ” Divine Inner Genius” but began to realize this was just me putting total reliance on myself.  I didn’t need anyone, not even God because the New Age Movement said I didn’t.  I could hold out my hand and say “om” and what ever I visualized would appear in my hand, right?I

I had the first heart attack in March of 2016.  I realized that my heart was closed down, I was protecting a part of me that no longer needed protection and I had become ultra-independent.  This heart attack opening my heart to love for myself and others that I had never experienced.  It also balanced the masculine and feminine within me.

In August of 2016 I was in Austria doing a month long painting seminar when I had a second heart attack. I was in the Emergency Room when I realized I had opened up to the Mother/Father God and was having a conversation.  These conversations continued while I was in the hospital for 6 days and still continue.  The energy from the conversations and the information I receive is like nothing I have felt before.

I realized that the second heart attack was meant to open my heart and balance the Masculine and Feminine in a sacred way, with the understanding that I am part of something greater.  I am still trying to understand this but I do understand the the first heart attack was the integration of the human masculine and feminine principles and the second heart attack was the integration of the Divine Feminine and Masculine Principles.

From my journal in the hospital:
“The Divine Masculine/Father and Divine Feminine/Mother are principles, NOT people. We make them people so we can relate and it makes it harder to relate and causes separation. The Creator is not anything we can imagine. The Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine together make up the Creation Principle, a force that we can co-create with. A force we have direct access to. It is a part of us and we are a part of it. It is a Universal Consciousness without limitations. How do we grasp that we were created by a creative force, a commingling of principles, energies, frequencies, vibrations and things we can’t understand. In trying to understand we have created separation with The Creator, with our selves and between each other. Everyone one of us contains both masculine and feminine and by embracing that we bridge the chasm, with in us and between men and women. “

This is my journey and it continues….


My Very Own Guardian Angel


This is a story not only about my guardian angel but also how communication unfolds between strangers who don’t speak the same language.

I have a strong connection to Archangel Michael and Gabriel.  The connection with each of them is uniquely different.

I feel that the energy of Gabriel is feminine so I will call her she.  Her name means “Gods strength” or “God has shown himself.  She reminds us that joy is our natural state.  She is the Archangel of harmony, beauty, purification, art, communication, strength and new beginnings.
Archangel Gabriel cleanses and raises your vibrational rate, helps you to open your heart and re-connects you with your soul purpose; your reason for being. Archangel Gabriel guides you towards the next steps in your life and reveals your life purpose and soul mission on Earth.

Upon that back story I will tell this tale which is part of my second heart attack story which took place in Austria.

After completing the angio-plasti procedure I was admitted to my room. After traveling in the elevator we came to a long narrow hallway and My bed was wheeled beside another bed in the hall. The two beds fit snugly in the hall. I transferred myself on to the new bed and the first bed was removed as the nursing staff wheeled me into my new room.

I was told I couldn’t move my leg for 2 hours because the procedure I had took place in my leg and they didn’t want me to cause bleeding.

I looked over and saw that I had a roommate. There was no divider or curtain between us so we could see each other.  Apparently this hospital doesn’t use them.

About 10 Minutes later another bed was wheeled in and put it between us. This bed contained a little white-haired lady who looked to be about 90. So there were three of us. She said something in German to the other lady and it seemed like they knew each other.  I later learned that they both had come the day before me and they knew the lay of the land.

My friend Kate was there with me and we were talking. My white-haired “friend” got out of bed, grabbed her walker and went over and turned off the lights. It was 3 in the afternoon. Now Kate and I were sitting in the dark. My first thought was, “great I am in a room with someone who has dementia!”

That was how my hospital stay began…

More about my white-haired lady. She works on cross word puzzles and plays video games on her phone to keep busy.  She is in charged of the one TV in the room. I don’t care because it is all in German so I can’t understand it. Her sweet husband comes every day to visit her. I sense that she likes me and is worried about me.

There was little attention paid to me by my roommates the first day and I felt very much alone because most of the staff didn’t speak English.  I stared at the clock a lot.

The second day I was lying in bed with my bare feet hanging over the end rail.  The white-haired lady stopped on her way to the bathroom and wiggled my bare toes and smiled.  It felt like something a grandmother would do to her grand-daughter.  Communication begins.

An epic failure in communication and embarrassing moment opened the communication door a little bit more.

I had to go to the bathroom ASAP and the white-haired woman was taking a shower.  The shower was inside of the bathroom so if someone was showering no one could go to the bathroom.  I remembered seeing a public bathroom down the hall and I was going to go use it.  I ran into a nurse on my way out of the door and told her I had to use the bathroom.  She told me I had to wait until the other person was done in the bathroom and then I could use it.  I couldn’t wait!!   I stood by the bathroom door for a couple of minutes and couldn’t wait any longer.  I went to the door at the same time as the nurse was going by.  I told her I needed to use the bathroom and I was trying to get to the public bathroom.  By now it was too late and I had diarrhea running down my leg and on to the floor. I said “Oh Shit!” and I wasn’t kidding! Now she understood what I was talking about.  She thought I wanted to take a shower.  She grabbed the bathroom door, through the white-haired lady out and pushed me in.

I took a shower to clean myself up and when I came out with wet hair the nurse was trying to ask me if I wanted a hair dryer by running her hand against her hair making a broom noise.  I said “Hair dryer” and everyone in the room repeated the English word.  That is how communication started to build.

The next time the white-haired lady had to use the bathroom she ran past my bed saying “schnell” which meant quick.  Oh no, now the poor old lady had bathroom PTSD!!  I told her not to worry but it was in English so I don’t know if she understood.

The next morning my white-haired friend came over to my bed with a piece of Apple Strudel that her husband had smuggled in the night before.  She gave it to me and smiled.

After that she tried to talk with me and teach me German words when we were watching TV. She also told me in a few words and pointing with her hands that she lived about 5 kilometers from the hospital.

On the day we were all getting discharged she was standing by her bed and she said “Stent”.  I realized she was asking me if I had a stent.  I brought my journal out, drew a picture of a heart on my page, with the stent and the word Sperren which meant blocked.  She showed me where they had put a pacemaker in.  I wanted to cry with happiness because we had broken the communication barrier.

I walked over to her bed and looked and pointed to myself and said “Katelyn” and put out my hand.  She reached out her hand and said “Gabriella”  We looked into each others eyes and smiled. Gabriel, really?

As she left to go home she was in a wheel chair.  I walked over and  took her hand and said good bye and God bless you. She said something in German back to me and her eyes sparkled as they wheeled her out of the room.

My guardian angel, Gabriel, had been with me through out my hospital stay and I didn’t even know it but somehow I felt comfort in having the white-haired lady in my room. She came in right after I got there and when I was leaving, she left right before me.  Interesting timing.

Even in the darkest of times we are not really alone.




OMG! Hospital Food! Dog FOOD!!!

Heart attack 2-Part 2

I had heart attack 2, 4 months after heart attack 1, while attending a month long painting seminar in Austria.  Up to that point I had been eating impeccably heart healthy for about six weeks.

My first meal after being admitted was breakfast. I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before so I was hungry!!

Remember I am in a country where Deutch is the language and I am in a small village hospital so almost no one spoke English. The nurse came in and said “Breakfast?” I said yes. She said “salmon” I said yes! While she went to get my food I was thinking how lucky I was to be getting salmon in the hospital! Wow!

She returned with my tray. On it was a bun and a pat of butter! I knew I was going to be in trouble where food was concerned. Lunch was some pasta thing slathered in some kind of sauce that I couldn’t eat.

When I saw the doctor I said “The food isn’t very heart healthy is it?” To which he responded “No, and it doesn’t tasted good either! It wouldn’t hurt you for 3 days.”  I thought to myself “I wonder what happens on day 4 and 5 because I knew I would be there that long. I wasn’t going to die from the heart attack. Nope it was going to be the  food!

One night one of my two Deutsch speaking roommates came in to the room with the evenings menu. She sat on her bed and read it out loud. I didn’t understand a word.  She got up and as she walked out she shouted “DOG FOOD, DOG FOOD, DOG FOOD!”  Ah the first thing I understood in two days.

When our food came the three of us lifted the covers over our plates and sad “DOG FOOD” at the same time and laughed!  The little old lady in the bed next to me immediately made a phone call. 30 minutes later her husband came in with a bag full of food. Sand which fixings, dessert and all kinds of yummy shit.  Yes! Food smuggling had begun.

Kate snuggle a meal of salmon and roasted vegetable that the owner of the hotel had made for me. I had a terrible headache and was nauseated from the food at lunch that I couldn’t eat. Instead of eating dinner Imended up vomiting.

Early the next morning she snuck over to my bed and slipped me a piece of Apple strudel and smiled.


My breakfast menu expanded when my friend Kate brought me a German Dictionary from 1995. German isn’t the same as Deutch but it is closer than English.  I went through  it and found words for things I would like for breakfast. Breakfast became my best meal because I didn’t have a choice of what they fed me.


Above is a meal that is hard to describe.  I can tell you that the sauce on top was blueberry. What you see beneath it that looks yellow was either, cake, egg something or something unknown. It was swimming in vanilla pudding with a side of radish soup.  I eat the apple.

The last meal I had before I was discharged was the best meal I had. I decided that if you survived the previous meal the quality of the food improved.