Integration

I finished this book of my inner journey in words and pictures, all 63 pages. It took me just over a month. I have never done anything so integrating in my life. In fact I have never done anything like this before. Who would have thought I could learn so much from a misplaced parathyroid tumor!

The book is beautiful and magical.

Wander Lust…

 

I have traveled the world by myself. Finding my way in countries that didn’t speak my language. I learned so much about myself traveling alone.

I took 6 forms on transportation in Mexico to get to my destination in the mountains on one trip with out being able to speak the language and got to my destination. I was detained in the airport in Germany because they thought I had something suspicious in my bag and I had to trust that all was okay as they sort it out in German.

I always got where I was going.

I have learned so much more about myself with out leaving home the past 3 years. I think traveling the world prepared me for this inner journey. I have been in foriegn lands within myself and didn’t know the language. I have had to wait patiently while things got sorted out.

It’s not the destination but the journey that is most powerful. It’s about what rises from within to carry us where we are going.

I trust that the destination will be as magical as the lands I visited traveling the world.D2B01614-8EE6-4311-A4A8-6BEBB708440F

Radical Trust…Ugh,

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I don’t know what happened during the night but I woke up at 1:30 and again at 5:30 in a not so good place. I am not always brave, courage, strong and positive. Today I feel afraid, angry and alone. And that’s okay. I don’t need to be fixed, I need the feel these feelings too.

No quick fix, no spiritual bypass, no resistance or distractions. Just real, raw feelings…

Here I was, alone in the dark, full moon in Gemini, my natal moon, and my situation weighed heavily on my mind. I couldn’t shake it. I grabbed my journal and wrote all of my emotions. They were all bad, but I know it’s important to release them.

I was so pissed off at the Creator that I questioned whether there was one or not. Who would put me in a critical situation with a rare parathyroid tumor on the back of my heart. There are only a few of us lucky enough to get a Parathyroid Tumor there! After all I had been though, this felt like punishment and cruelty.

I was afraid thinking about surgery because it is so complicated and there is no guarantee it will be a success. I even began to wonder if I would survive.

To top it off, that creator allowed me to get into a terrible situation financially, because I chose to use my money on alternative medicine, which I believe saved my life. At this point I am wondering why my life was saved because of the suffering I am enduring. Cruel right?

This brought me down the rabbit hole of losing my home of 22 years because I am two months behind on my mortgage and next week it will be 3.

To make things worse, I know I had cocreated all of it!

This is how my thoughts spiraled out and filled 12 pages in my journal. Through all the writing I sobbed.

In the morning I was talking with a friend and she said she would make a Feng Shui healing grid for me. That inspired me to go to the health section of my bagua in my house and do the same thing.

The center of the bagua is health and mine is in a closet that I don’t use very much. When I opened it, it was piled with junk. Lots of boots, a vacuum and other things. It’s a dingy little closet that needs a fresh coat of paint. Not the best metaphor for health.  I took everything out and was shocked by what I found!

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OMG, a crystal heart was under all of that junk. Metaphorically my heart was buried in junk! Crap!

I brought a table and put it in the closet and created an altar for my health, and for wealth. The heart crystal was in the center. Charlie approved!

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I then drove to my favorite refuge, the park. As I drove I said this prayer, “Dear Universe, thank you for blessing me with unexpected financial abundance today. “

When I got to the park and started walking I said, If I am going to be okay give me a sign.  Not 5 minutes into my walk, a hawk flew over followed by the familiar Etsy “Cha Ching”. Someone just made a $60 purchase.

If that wasn’t enough I looked over at the sandstone wall and there was a heart that had been carved and in the center was my lucky number 4.

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Okay, I get it! Thank you Universe, sorry I yelled at you!

When I got home I was making a snack and needed something in a drawer. I opened the drawer and started to cry. Here is what was in there…

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Next, I went to the mailbox and there was a refund check for $750. Holy Shit, I went from worrying about money to gaining $830!

Signs are everywhere if we look…

 

So Thankful…Happy Thanksgiving and Receiving

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I have so much to be thankful for this year. Last year the week before Thanksgiving I had open heart surgery.

What a metaphor open heart surgery became. My chest had to be cut open to expose my heart so it could open wide. That opening challenged my innate independent spirit to its limit by making it into a year of receiving. I wasn’t use to receiving because when you are extremely independent you don’t think you need help from anyone and when you do you are embarrassed to ask!

In order to break through what I now recognize as a defense, I had to be push into a corner. I had no choice, I had to have help. I had to ask for it no matter how asking made me feel. The first week out of the hospital I had to let my kids do everything for me and I had to get use to it. That was hard for me.

My independence started when I was 4 years old from a traumatic hospital experience and my body has been trying to get my attention ever since. I don’t need to use our bodies for learning labs anymore!!! I don’t need to keep getting sick to learn how to receive.

Independence  is a double edged sword. You can feel strong and accomplished because you did it by yourself yet it is very lonely and painful when you need help and can’t ask.

Here is what I learned. The more I open to receive the more people graciously gave to me. I had to feel, explore and release every uncomfortable feeling and every belief system connected to receiving. Trust me there were many. I learned that it feels really good to receive.

Because I was willing to do that deep work I have received so much this past year on so many levels. I have felt love, support and kindness like I never felt before. If I were to make a list of each person it would be extremely long. I am thankful for everyone of you.

I am thankful for my Facebook community that has uplifted me and supported me in ways you might not know. You have held my healing in your hearts as if it were your own. I love you all for that ❤️

I am thankful for my heart, each heart attack and open heart surgery for getting my attention and showing me a new world view.

Giving and receiving are part of the circle of reciprocity, neither more important that the other. They work together. Some are better at giving and some are better at receiving. We have to become good at both if we want to experience true abundance. Once we understand that it becomes a beautiful dance. A dance that feels good from either side.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Receiving everyone!

Love Katelyn ❤️

My Psyche’s Journey

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I have posted this painting before but I am learning more about it…

As many of you know, my artwork is prophetic. The message may be for someone else but often times it’s for me. Many times there are layers of meaning, as people who I have done soul portraits find out.

I woke up thinking about this painting. When I painted it In Spain in Nov 2015, I thought it was Psyche floating over the River Styx at the end of a journey, which it was at the time, but it turns out to be the beginning of a journey too.

Psyche and Eros is an epic love story. In the story Psyche is given four tasks that she must complete in order to love and marry Eros. The tasks are life threatening or impossible and it is Venus’ hope that one of them will kill her, which they didn’t because she found a way to get through each of them. She came out stronger and more determined with each task.

Not long after painting this painting I started the epic journey of my heart. My four tasks were three heart attacks and open heart surgery. All of them life threatening tasks. Each one of them difficult yet transformed me and made me stronger.  Like Psyche I didn’t know the next task was coming and I wasn’t sure I could complete each task

Just like Psyche my impossible journey has opened my heart to love again. For many years I was in conflict about love. A big part of me wanted a partner and another part of me was committed to staying single until hell froze over. I had done 30 years worth of personal work and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t in a relationship.  There was good reason that I chose to protect my heart in that way and in the end I had to have my heart opened surgically.

After I had the first heart attack the inner conflict became very clear to me. There was no way I was going to attract anyone with that program running. My aura was sending that message out to every man who came near me. It took Four difficult, life threatening tasks to clear it out.

Now I am ready to love again.

 

Prophetic Art

I am posting this because it is a beautiful painting but because I noticed something interesting that I didn’t see before that is very profound. I hope you read the interpretation.

I am a visionary artist, so much of my artwork is prophetic. I paint my vision from a higher perspective. When I paint I am not thinking about what is coming through, I just listen and painted what I “hear” and “see” at a higher level.

I painted this on November 4th. If you look at the right side of the heart it looks like there is a bypass coming out of the side. It actually goes up and connects into the DNA/Tree of Life. I found out on the 8th that I needed to have the bypass, so 4 days after I painted this.

The painting is full of beauty, new beginnings (the eggs), Life (the tree of Life) and change ( the number 5) fertility (the earth) and it says that I am going to be amazing after the surgery. Life is actually coming out of the arteries in the form of eggs. The DNA is transforming into the tree of life. The crystalline core of the earth is sending energy to the heart. WOW!

I usually don’t get messages this fast, sometimes it takes years for me to understand what a painting is saying. This might not have meaning to anyone else but it is profoundly healing to me.

This message makes me really happy and gives me a lot of peace. I am so blessed to have this prophetic gift.

Update…

The base of the DNA in the painting that goes into the heart is almost the same as the actual bypass. See the drawing of the surgery on the heart pillow drawn by my surgeon. So the bypass has opened me to a new level of life.

Figuring Things out is Just Resistance

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We are taught to “figure things out” in our lives. I have gotten really good at it over the years. Until I realized that “figuring things out” was resisting what is and creating a story. What does this mean, what does that mean? Storytelling is our way of making sense of things but it takes us out of the moment and being in acceptance of the present.

I have learned through this heart journey that I might think I know what is going on and what it all means, but I don’t really know. Anything I decide is just speculation and storytelling so I feel a sense of control, power and safety.

My recent bypass stripped that all away. My heart was “opened, exposed and vulnerable ” both literally and metaphorically. I have surrendered my need to know and understand what it means and am allowing what is, the good, the bad, the ugly, it’s all part of the experience. Because of this surrender I am healing quickly and know in my heart I will recover completely.

I am at peace and in that peace all things are possible.

Toxic Reaction to Drug Eluding Stents

 

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Today is my son’s birthday. Last year on his birthday I had to call him a second time to tell him I had another heart attack. That heart attack might have been prevented if the doctors had listened to me.

When I had the heart attack in Austria the doctor who did the angioplasty told me that the reason for that heart attack was because my body had an allergic reaction to the medication on the stent. He did not put new stents in. He went as far as to put a new medication in the stent to see if it would keep it open. He told me he was making this decision on my behalf. I believed him then and I still do.

When I saw the cardiologist here and told him what I was told he said it wasn’t true, I must have misunderstood the doctor or what the doctor said was wrong and that never happens. He refused to listen to me and argued with me for several minutes. When I had the heart attack a year ago today he put 3 more of the same stents in that I had reacted to. I couldn’t say anything about it because I was under anesthesia. When they all closed up in November he wondered why it kept happening.

There is actually a warning about this on the label. He should have known the possible side effects.

**Please don’t get the idea that you shouldn’t do stents because of what happened to me. Millions of people have stents placed in there hearts, and most don’t have problems. So I am not saying this to worry people. They do save lives. A reaction like this is usually unlikely to happen. There are alternatives to stents if you don’t have serious blockages.

What bothers me is the “one size fits all approach” that I have experienced, and how hard it is in the system to advocate for yourself. They say “we had to put stents in and here are the five medications you need to take.” My body is very sensitive to pharmaceuticals, and doesn’t do well with them. I had allergic reactions to 3 of the 5 medications they gave me and the medication on the stents. Before the 1st heart attack I had taken minimal pharmaceuticals.

Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself of have someone else do it if you can. I advocate for less invasive options first when at all possible.

I put a link to an article about the body rejecting stents and a link to the warnings about the stents I had.

References:

Ignorance based cardiology :How often a coronary artery reject a stent ?

http://circ.ahajournals.org/content/109/6/701.full?maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=stent%20%2527allergy%2522%20&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&resourcetype=HWCIT

I had Boston Scientific Stents. Here are the warnings about them. http://www.bostonscientific.com/en-US/products/stents–coronary/promus-premier-stent-system/promus-premier-indications.html

 

Fifth Chamber of the Heart

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Title: 5th Chamber of the heart.

About 12 hours before I had the first heart attack, on the Spring Equinox of 2016, I had a dream. In the dream, other worldly beings put a star tetrahedron in my heart and a vesica Pisces in my womb. I thought it had something to do with the Equinox. That was how this 18 month heart exploration and transformation began. This painting is the energetic depiction of that journey and where I am now.

Sacred geometry actives this whole process. That is why this is the most profound personal painting I have ever done.

Follow up image…the next step

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