Living Life Like CRAZY!


One day I was looking for an image of an open heart for a blog I was writing. I wasn’t expecting a bunch of photos of open heart surgery. I had chose not to do research on it before surgery or after because I didn’t need to know. Needless to say I was taken aback.

I felt sad for my heart and what it’s been though. I could see how traumatizing and intrusive the surgery was and it explained the pain I am still having. I decided to cut myself some slack and let go of the impatience I had been feeling. I have so much I want to do and can only accomplish a small part of it each day. I stay present with that for the most part and sometimes I don’t.

My heart and spirit are so strong, that’s why I am still here. I have had a few exit points the last two years that I could have taken.

I love my earth experience, it’s beauty and it’s messiness and want to stay.

This journey brought me to the place where I am grateful to be alive and don’t want to waste a minute of it.

I am committed to:
Living my authenticity
Living my wildness
Living like crazy
Living out loud
Living in love

I can’t worry about what people think about me. Life is to short and it can change in an instant for any of us.

I am committed to:
Experiencing joy,
Being creative in everything I do
Being in love
Not holding back
Following the juicy flow of my life
Listening to and following my heart
Singing my soul’s song
And sharing life with like minded people who hold me in the highest regard.A8C71F44-7C67-4502-B2BA-5BE3BD04B7AD-1827-000003E21A0BBFC7

The Body Within the Soul


THE BODY WITHIN THE SOUL (part one of a series)Information from my soul

I could never understand how the soul could be within the body.  It has always felt way more expansive and limitless than our physical body.  Even so, everything I read has the soul residing in the body just above the heart center.

Understand that this is a concept that is in exploration phase and it is just beginning to take form. It may or may not resonate with you, and that is okay.

A few days ago I was downloaded with information that gave me a whole new understanding about the soul. From my understanding the body is within the soul, not the other way around.  The soul is no longer confined to the body but has expanded to encapsulate the body.  This is part of the evolutionary process. The soul is expansive in a way that is hard to understand because it is a concept that is outside of time and space. The soul permeates the body and surrounds it reaching way out into the universal energy field.  This expanded soul self is connected to Divine Consciousness which we can access if we are connected to our soul and have embodied the connection.  This is way bigger than our aura’s, astral body, mental body, causal body and higher self.  All of these are contained within the soul. The image above is the closest thing I could find to this concept.

The soul is informing the physical Self.  The soul is way bigger than who we think we are as physical beings.  When we get information it feels like it is coming from outside of us when in reality it is coming from the expanded part of us called the soul.

We are connected to our soul through our sacred heart which is the center of our physical body which is in the place where people think the soul resides.  Let’s use the fetus for example, when they are in the mother’s womb they are connected to their source of nourishment through the umbilical cord.  The same is true of humans and their souls only the cords come from the heart center.  Soul nourishment comes into the human from the soul through the heart.  Nourishment is guidance, information, energy messages, all information from higher self, protection, intuition, etc. We are moving through life in a protective bubble of sorts that is giving us information all of the time whether we realize it or not.

You are surrounded by the magnetic force field which is your soul.  This magnetic force contains the blueprint for each lifetime, each building on the next. It also contains parallel lives and that is why we often feel like we have been some place or have done something before. It also encompasses all of the dimensions that are available on earth at this time.  When I think of the soul in this way it feels more grounded on the earth plane and doesn’t feel like something separate and out “there” somewhere.

The sacred heart, in our body, is connected to our creator self, which is our Soul, and holds the Akashic Records, our divine blueprint for this lifetime and all of our life experiences that we are living now in this incarnation.  The sacred heart is our true home.


It is very important for humanity at this time that we open our heart center and lead with the heart rather than our mind.  The heart has been blocked in most humans for a long time and false information has been coming through the mind. The mind had been given all of the power and yet it has become an instrument of control and manipulation by the patriarchy, which is one way that those beings who have an agenda of keeping the heart center close have been known.  This has kept humans from being in their true power.

It is time to take back our power and the path is through the heart.

Hello,There is no Box!



What box? Who said there was a box?

There is no box!

Living authentically means you understand there is no box. “The box” is our social programming, which keeps us from being authentic and real.


  1. Are creative
  2. Take chances
  3. Use your imagination
  4. Trust your inner wisdom
  5. Get messy
  6. Believe anything is possible
  7. Draw on walls
  8. Write on sidewalks
  9. Re-invent
  10. Embrace your weirdness
  11. Don’t worry about what others think
  12. Color outside the lines
  13. Dance to the beat of your own drum

Are you in the box our outside of it?

Lucid Dreaming



Have you ever had a lucid dream?  There are many people who make lucid dreaming a practice.  I have only experience one lucid dream in my life and it happened spontaneously.  I have yet to be able to make it happen.

What is Lucid Dreaming?

Lucid dreaming is the ability to consciously observe and/or control your dreams.

Lucid dreaming is your chance to play around with the extraordinary abilities buried in unused parts of your brain.  Regardless of whether your are superhuman in real life or not, lucid dreaming is a way for you to put the deepest areas of your brain to good use while you’re sleeping. It is a place to practice new skills and take control of what is happening and change it.   You can be a Jane Doe while awake and superman while sleeping. All the obstacles of reality can be set aside, and you can take trips to exotic places and other worlds an test your skills on your worst enemies and win!

Lucid dreaming transforms your inner dream world into a living alternate reality – where everything you see, hear, feel, taste and even smell is as authentic as real life. Lucidity occurs during altered states of consciousness when you realize you are dreaming  and your brain switches into waking mode inside the dream. In normal dreams, your self awareness is shut down and you are more of an observer.  That’s why things often feel fuzzy and distant. But when lucid, the conscious brain wakes up during sleep.

This is a safe and natural state. In lucid dreams, you are always asleep in bed and if you want to, you can wake yourself up.  Many people practice for years before being able to have one.  There are techniques that you can use to make it happen.  I won’t go into them in this blog but what I do want to do is share a lucid dream that I had, which you.  I also want to share what I learned from it.


This is my one and only personal experience with lucid dreaming.  What I find interesting is that it was such an archetypal dream.  I began to practice incubating dreams as a step toward learning how to lucid dream and wasn’t having much success. I had worked with my dreams for about a week and hadn’t practiced for a few days when this dream occurred.  It is very detail and a bit x-rated but very profound.  In the dream an unconscious belief is revealed to me.  It is a belief carried by many women at an unconscious level.


I found myself in a house that I had been in before, which at one time was my house.  It was a house that was attached to the original house.  It needed work and I remember seeing moss growing on the outside.  In this abandoned part of my house was a kitchen with a fireplace and tile floor.  I went into it and noticed that someone was fixing it up.  I hadn’t asked him to do it so I was questioning the man doing the work.  A woman came in and started moving me away from the man doing the repair work, obviously trying to distract me.

She took me into a bar where there were attractive men sitting in the bar with their young boys. They all began to flirt with me, telling me I was beautiful and kissing me. One of them grabbed my hand and when I pulled it away there was something that dried very quickly.  I put my hand to my face to smell it and it smelled like shit.  I pulled on the edge of it and it cracked like crystal and a tiny poison needle that was in there, went into my hand.

I immediately started feeling woozy and began to run down a long corridor and up a staircase to get away.  I go more dizzy and felt like I was going to pass out.  I ran past what looked like a crime scene where three male bodies lay side by side.  Laying near their heads each had a poison needle like the one that was stuck in my hand.  They had evidence labels on them.  It was at this point that I realized it was a poison needle.  

A man I had seen earlier in the dream began to chase me and because I was so weak he caught me and held my body close to his.  I could feel him becoming aroused and when he realized I  knew he began to laugh.  I tore myself free and began to run knowing that I was about to get raped and I was also going to die.  The man zipped open his pants and a giant penis came out and sprayed me as he laughed madly.  He was laughing because he knew he could do whatever he wanted to do because I was poisoned and about to die.

Suddenly I realized it was a dream!  I turned and looked at him and shouted, “I am dreaming at the moment and you can’t hurt me because I dreamed you up!”  I started to laugh and jump up and down. He fell on the floor and I walked away.  I remember thinking there was not much time before I woke up so I walked through the dream changing things as I went along.  I decided that the space that the man had been repairing would be my new healing space.  

Things started going by very quickly as I got closer to waking up and I remember telling  everyone that I encountered that it was only a dream and I had created it. The very last thing I saw was a woman holding a book and I thought she was going to show me a picture of a hummingbird, which she did and I woke up!”


According to Jungian Theory, archetypes are “collective universal patterns or motifs which come from the collective unconscious and are the basic content of religions, mythologies, legends and fairy tales”. They emerge in individuals through dreams, visions and their effects appear in consciousness as images and ideas.

The archetypal theme of this dream is rape. You see the rape theme in fairy tales and myths a lot and in the modern age on television, especially on crime shows.  We all know the myths about the rape of Persephone and Medusa. The theme of rape is evoked in movies like “The Color Purple” for example. Rape is often a consequences of war even today and a show of power by men who go in and rape entire villages during war.  This has been going on since war began.

Even though it is becoming more common for women and men to report being raped, women are still afraid to report for fear of suffering more consequences from their assailant or from the system.  We have come a long way but even now this subject is uncomfortable to deal with.


As I lay in bed stunned at the dream it unraveled  before my eyes like a giant ball of string.  As I was retyping this for this blog the different symbolism was really clear and profound.

It is significant that this is an archetypal dream of unconscious pattern carried by most women.  Women have been programmed to fear men. This goes back to when we lived in caves and men were dragging us around by our hair.  If they really did that!  We are taught to believe that if we encounter a man alone something bad might happen especially if it is dark.  Because of the archetypal pattern of rape, it is one of the first things we think about. There is always a power and strength differential at play.  I imagine that men have a counter program that they were taught that dovetails perfectly with this one to re-enforce it.

When themes are played out in movies, through fairy tales and in subtle programming they become a part of our psyche without us even knowing it.

It is very clear from this dream that I was carrying this archetype.  This core belief is so deep that even someone who has done years of self-exploration can still carry remnants of it.  Fearing men plays out differently for each woman depending on their past experience. It can wear the face of the victim, it can look like anger, and mistrust, defensiveness or it can look like co-dependency and self-sacrifice.  For me it presented as a distancing, a strong desire to take care of myself, fierce independence and general caution around men, particularly if I was attracted to them.

The demon I confronted in the dream was the belief that I was vulnerable and men could hurt me and do what they wanted to me because I was a woman.  Lying in bed recalling the dream brought memories flashing into my mind that I hadn’t thought about in years.  I remember as a teenager my parents told me to be careful around men.  My father told me that all men wanted from women was sex and they would manipulate to get it.  When ever I came home past curfew my parents met me at the door, when they knew I was out with a guy, and asked me where I was and what I had been doing in an accusatory fashion, insinuating that I was out having sex.  When I told them we had been talking and lost track of time, which was the truth, the didn’t believe me.  These behaviors are where our early programming comes from.

The media on television and in the movies reinforce the belief that men are only interested in sex and would only hurt women.  Even today those themes still play out.  Women were portrayed as “the weaker sex” who needed men to take care of them.  I went to a Catholic High School and I remember freshmen year during sex education this was the message we got regarding dating; bring a phone book with you when you go on a date so if you sat on the guys lap he wouldn’t get aroused.  Never wear patent leather shoes because men will look up your dress in the reflection from your shoes.  Never put a white table cloth on the dinner table because men will think of sheets and want to take you to bed.  I am not kidding here folks!  We heard this stuff.  This kind of garbage goes into the psyche of an impressionable teenager as another level of programming.

The symbolism in the dream is deep and multi-layered.  Someone was working on my house without my permission.  The house in a dream represents your body so the man in the dream was doing something to my body without my permission.  Possibly a reference to rape.  A woman came in and distracted me so I wouldn’t notice.  This is interesting because women have been distracting each other for years through ‘cat’ fighting, stealing boyfriends, and putting the focus on other things.  These distractions keep us from seeing what is really going on and many of us have bought into the social programming that dictates who we are, how we dress, the way we wear make-up and fix our hair.

My parents suggestion to me that men only want sex and will manipulate to get it and hurt me, played out in the bar scene where the men were flirting with me so that one of them could put the poison needle in my had that would leave me vulnerable.

The stuff that was put in my head to poison me was the perfect metaphor. It smelled like shit because it was bullshit and it crystallized in my hand just like the programming had crystallized in my psyche.  Without knowing it I and many other women have been poisoned over and over by the needle of unconscious programming.  This kind of programming is difficult to discover and the dream was revealing it to me.

The most profound part of this dream is what happens when I realize that I am dreaming. It happened in a split second right before I was going to fall to the ground dead.  I was elated to discover that I was dreaming and that I could change every thing that had happened because I had created it.  I turned to my dream assailant and took away his power and thus dismantled the unconscious program.  From there I moved through the dream, consciously, as I changed things that weren’t serving me and made it know to my psyche that I was conscious of what was going on and things had changed.

Because this was a lucid dream, to my unconscious mind, I was in charge and what I was changing in the dream was changing in my psyche!

The dream ended with me seeing a hummingbird which is not only a symbol of healing for me but is also a symbol of doing the impossible.  I know I could spend even more time dismantling this dream and learn even more but I wanted you to see how powerful a lucid dream can be.  The other important thing to remember is that this dream means one thing to me but might mean something else to another dreamer.  You might see other things that have meaning for you as your read it.

Further reading:

Gender stereotypes and Sexual Archetypes


To have a dream consultation with Katelyn contact her at

A journey to Wholeness


(This article is a re-write of and article I wrote for the Edge Magazine June 1998)

Peace and harmony

fill the dance space of my heart

and I come to the waters of forgiveness

and my pain is washed away.

The Goddess places her hand upon my heart

and my woundedness is healed.

All the pain of generations back through time

leaps from my body and floats down to earth

where it fertilizes the black soil

where seeds of possibility have been planted

and all of my potential begins to sprout from the earth.

The sun, rain, wind and soil

all provide nourishment to encourage growth.

“I am beautiful” echoes through

the canyon of my soul

and I pick up my drum and dance,

and the Goddess showers me with abundance

 and I am made whole once more.

(From Prayers of the Goddess, by Katelyn Mariah Dec 26, 1994


We each contain the Goddess/God within us, the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energy from Source.  It is often difficult for us to truly see and embrace them as aspects of ourselves because they are not in physical form.  We have a hard time believing what we can’t see in physical form.  Studying the archetypes of the masculine (God) and the feminine (Goddess) is a way to give form and understanding to the idea of the Divine.  I write of the Inner Divine from a feminine prospective but this is not in anyway meant to discount the fact that discovering the Goddess/God within is equally as important for both men and women.

As a women I am more naturally drawn to the Goddess who began stirring within me through my artwork. At first she was so subtle that I didn’t recognize her.  Soon she began waking me up in the morning whispering poetry to me and filling my mind with images of quiet landscapes.


I wrote the poems and painted the landscapes but still she seemed illusive to me.  I imagine this was her way of showing me that not only was she present in me, but in everything around me, including the waterfalls, babbling brooks, the mountains and forests, the animals, birds, plants and rocks.  How clever of her to choose the things I love the most as a way to reveal herself.  She was able to find a crack within me, slip in, and our relationship began to weave itself.  At first I was curious but still questioning and it evolved from there.

To further touch her mystery I created sacred spaces in my home and place images of her on them.  She continued to feel like something outside of me.  I could feel her beauty, gentleness, and compassion but she didn’t feel real or present to me.  That would change.

Once our relationship was woven, she became less subtle in her prodding.  She began to take me on journeys, through my paintings, to undiscovered parts inside of me, some very wonderful, others very difficult to look at, for she can be both the Creator and the Destroyer.  I knew the images I was creating were images of the Goddess, but it was hard to believe that they could also be part of me. I painted 44 images of the Goddess in a very short period of time as she came fast and furious to get my attention.  I was so flooded with images of her that some escaped back into my psyche before I was able to capture them on paper.  The paintings were filled with symbolism the I didn’t understand at the time, because I was just listening to her voice and painting what I heard her say.


It wasn’t until I met Ron Mangravite, a spiritual teacher, mystic and historian on myth and symbolism, the it became clear to me that the Goddess was really touching me deeply.  He pointed out that I had pulled together classic esoteric symbolism from many cultures so concisely that it was hard for him to believe that I hadn’t studied mythology and symbolism for years.  He stated ” In order for her to discover these images, Katelyn, in an attempt to find her identity, which is The Goddess, went down deep enough to get totally past Katelyn, totally past everything but the feminine, because these images are the Goddess.  They come from a place that is very deep and very real.”

With this, she had captured my attention because to me I was just painting and to Ron I was tapping into something very old and very deep.  I no longer question her presence or wisdom, nor do I question that she is a part of me, and a part of each of us, just as God is. At this point I have painted over 100 images of the Goddess.

After spending several years delving into the mysteries and magic of the Goddess I should have know that God/Divine Masculine would want equal time!.  The energy of the Goddess had been hidden underground for thousands of years and wanted to have a voice and now that was beginning to happen.  The God who has gotten a bad wrap as the punishing, authoritative Father what his true voice to be heard as well.  The God that I learned about as a child made me want to run away, which I did, rather than compelling me to draw closer to him.  It is time to bring both aspects of the Divine into balance in ourselves if we are to be whole and complete.  This needs to happen so that our world can come back into balance as well.  There isn’t just Divine Masculine/God there is also Divine Feminine/Goddess.  Having so much of my focus be on the Goddess, had pushed my Divine Masculine into the shadows and I found myself being out of balance.

There are archetypal energies within us that represent these aspects.  In women the aspect of Divine Masculine is the daimon lover-Beloved.  The daimon love is the counterpart to the muse in men and it is the inspiration and spiritual companion of women, just as the muse is in men.  It is the “one”, ” the perfect partner” that we search for as a mate.  These hidden parts of us are comprised of images from fairy tales, movies, positive men/women in our lives, Jesus, Mother Mary, Buddha and God.  If we haven’t unmasked the daimon/muse he/she wreaks havoc rather than inspiring us and we end up projecting either our high expectations or negative beliefs onto the men/women in our lives.


No man can live up to the “perfect” image of a woman’s Beloved/Inner God, just as no woman can live up to man’s projected image of the Muse/Inner Goddess.  This is why there is so much misunderstanding and unmet needs between men and women.  We are trying to find wholeness outside of ourselves.

How do we go about integrating the daimon and the muse?  The daimon aspect in me came forward in subtle and not so subtle ways at first, through the men in my life.  One day He/God found a way to sneak into the crack in my creative psyche and began to speak directly to me, just as the Goddess had done.

I was awakened in the middle of the night with complete poems swimming in my head that I had to write down so that I could go back to sleep.  By day, images of various men in my inner landscape began to pour from my pen.  He has challenged what I learned as a child about the God who was punishing and unforgiving, who had authority over me.  Just as there is a light and a dark aspect to the Goddess, so too is there a light and dark God- and therefor the light and dark aspects in ourselves that need to be resolved so that we can come in to balance and live authentic lives.

The men that I have discovered in my inner landscape are equally as interesting as the women I found there.  Some of them are quite wonderful, loving and accepting and others I would much rather not look at. Each aspect has a key that unlocks another door to who we are. As I continued to study my inner images of God/Masculine I discovered a new aspect of strength and balance within and the idea of God became more intriguing.

When we reconcile our images of the God and Goddess and integrate their qualities we see them as a force that loves and protects us and we come into Divine union within ourselves knowing that we also love and protect ourselves because they are part of us.  Once we do this important inner work we can free our creativity and passion to enter into relationships with one another as autonomous beings who are able to be authentic and share intimacy.  That is when the fun of conscious loving relationships can happen.

The Awaken the Goddess Meditation Deck which contains 44 of the Goddess Images in the blog is available at;

River of Dreams

I have been wanting to lose 15 pounds for the last 4 months and modifying my eating habits hasn’t had an impact. A few days ago I started saying ” I allow my body to release 10 pounds, easily and effortlessly”. Today I am 4 pounds lighter and I haven’t changed anything else.  What ever thoughts I am unaware of that have been keeping me from doing this are gone.

Allowing is an interested concept. The dictionary defines it as a verb that means to let happen or permit, give permission for something to happen, to let yourself have something, often something that gives you pleasure.

Think of the idea of permitting ourselves to have our desire and then just letting it happen. It seems easy enough but it isn’t as easy as it seems. There are all kinds of thinks keeping us from permitting joy, happiness and satisfaction into our lives.

As I write this, phrases that I heard as a child about allowing are going through my head and I wonder if these have been floating around in my unconscious influencing me and I am making them conscious by writing this. I hear “no talking allowed at the table”, “no running is allowed in the hallways”, “no gum allowed in school”, most of the things there not allowed were connected with pleasure and fun, so could it really translate in our consciousness as, ” no fun allowed” when you boil it down. Now that I think about it I never heard messages about what was allowed.

The Art of Allowing is a shift in consciousness. When used in the context of Universal Law of Attraction and the Art of Allowing it is ALLOWING in the biggest possible sense of the word, meaning an over all state of allowing Everything to be OK with you, just as it is.

When we are able to allow people, things and situations to be as they and let go of our judgments about them, our tendency to try to fix or wanting things to change, we begin to tap into the immense power of allowing. We tend to look at things based on our own experience and perception and judge based on that, thinking “how can that be right for someone.” Everyone is in the right place, right now, doing exactly what they are meant to be doing, whether what they are doing works for us or not. That is a hard pill to swallow isn’t it?
In our allowing the world expands and we open ourselves to all kinds of possibilities that we might not have seen before. I have a gift for seeing all kinds of perspectives and options, that is what makes me a good therapist. I find it easy to get above a situation and understand it from different directions. Clients often say ” I never thought of it that way” as they have an ah ha moment

Allowing means giving up our need to control, to plan and hang on to old forms, or being right. We are pushed out of our comfort zone when we just allow things to unfold. We were not taught to do that. In fact most of us were taught to set goals and take action steps to get there. We are taught to be control freaks!

The deeper level of allowing is about trusting, being patient, and having faith that what we want to manifest, create and experience can and will show up on the other side of our allowing. That means we develop the ability to allow things to happen and materialize without having to manipulate, dominate and control other people or situations to make it happen.

Allowing goes against what we have been taught and how society as a whole operates. That is why it is so hard to make the shift. We don’t get support to just allow. We are seen as lazy or lacking in motivation. The interesting thing is that when we master allowing we can create and manifest much more than we can if we are trying to make things happen. I know. I experience it all of the time.

So I have a list of things I am allowing in the month of July and releasing 10 pounds is one of them. I have let go of the paddles and I am going with the flow of my stream.  I am asking for it to happen in an easy and relax manner and I am already seeing results.