Is This Synchronicity?

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I love synchronicity. I even love the word. I am experiencing it more and more these days because of this place of non-resistance I am in.

My word for the year is joy, so every morning I pose the question in my journal about how to line up with joy today. So I did that and my higher wisdom said “keep doing what you are doing.”

so I have been playing with the word joy, and this phrase “I don’t know how ________”

Yesterday we got about 10 inches of snow and I had to move my car off the street before 8 AM this morning, because the city was going to plow our street. I really wasn’t looking forward to digging out so I said out loud. ”

***I don’t know how but it will be easy to move my car!” In my mind I could see my car moving easily down the street, through the snow.

I got bundled up warm, unlocked the door and walked out. There were my neighbors Roger and Mary removing all the snow from my car! I started the car to warm it up and Roger cleared the windows. He told me he would get it out of the snow bank and onto the road so it would be easier for me to drive. Instead he moved it out of the snowbank, down the street and parked it! At the same time another neighbor was shoveling my walk.

Synchronicity? Great intending? Who knows. All I know is it raised the joy vibration of my day 10 fold ❤️

All of this magic took place in 30 minutes!!!

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Living Life Like CRAZY!

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One day I was looking for an image of an open heart for a blog I was writing. I wasn’t expecting a bunch of photos of open heart surgery. I had chose not to do research on it before surgery or after because I didn’t need to know. Needless to say I was taken aback.

I felt sad for my heart and what it’s been though. I could see how traumatizing and intrusive the surgery was and it explained the pain I am still having. I decided to cut myself some slack and let go of the impatience I had been feeling. I have so much I want to do and can only accomplish a small part of it each day. I stay present with that for the most part and sometimes I don’t.

My heart and spirit are so strong, that’s why I am still here. I have had a few exit points the last two years that I could have taken.

I love my earth experience, it’s beauty and it’s messiness and want to stay.

This journey brought me to the place where I am grateful to be alive and don’t want to waste a minute of it.

I am committed to:
Living my authenticity
Living my wildness
Living like crazy
Living out loud
Living in love

I can’t worry about what people think about me. Life is to short and it can change in an instant for any of us.

I am committed to:
Experiencing joy,
Being creative in everything I do
Being in love
Not holding back
Following the juicy flow of my life
Listening to and following my heart
Singing my soul’s song
And sharing life with like minded people who hold me in the highest regard.A8C71F44-7C67-4502-B2BA-5BE3BD04B7AD-1827-000003E21A0BBFC7

Do We Have Twin Flames?

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In theory, the meaning of twin flame is that person who is your other half. It is said that when our Soul formed it was split into two halves and we spend each incarnation trying to find our other half.

What if the truth was that your twin flame is really you expressing yourself in another body. When you find this person they are the best match for evolving to a higher level. You are mirrors or reflections of each other.

The self improvement movement has done a disservice to many of us because it has left us feeling flawed rather than whole and complete. We have learned that we must change our flaws in order to be loved. We go one a journey that leads away from our trueselves no to our trueselves.

The truth is we came in to this life whole and complete with unique gifts to share and even our so called “flaws” serve a purpose! Instead of self improvement we should be taught the art of fierce self love and and radical self acceptance.  Unfortunately while we are focusing on self improvement those beautiful gifts that we are here to share sit on the back burner waiting for us to be perfect and we can’t create the life we desire.

The other reason to focus on self love and self acceptance is we can’t attract our twin flame if we don’t accept ourselves. That is why so many people in the new age movement who are longing for a twin flame reunion are still single. They think they need to “work” on themselves!! We need to be self aware. We need to be clear of where we begin and where we end so we don’t end up projecting on the other person and so that we stay out of codependency.

If you have a longing and a knowing that you have a twin flame then he or she is out there. We don’t incarnate with longing that would be fulfilled, they are part of what moves you forward in this evolution.

The only work we must do is love and accept ourselves, be self aware  so we navigate the world from authenticity. That is the magnet that will bring not only your twin flame to you but everything else you desire.

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Thank you 2017!

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Thank you 2017!
Some would look at the year I just experienced and say “Good riddance 2017”. It was painful, challenging, frightening and frustrating and filled with loss, yet the blessings I received diving into 2017 whole heartedly( pun intended) far out weigh the difficult experiences. I am not the same.
It was a deep dive into my authentic being.
I discovered parts of myself that were lost and long forgotten and released parts that no longer served me.
✨I learned about Love on a deeper level.
✨I learned how to be authentically me and that it’s okay to think differently and challenge the status quo.
✨I discovered what a true friend looks like and released those people no longer in alignment.
✨I learned the true meaning of letting go and going with the flow and how peaceful that feels.
✨I let go of old stories that were just stories. (stories we tell ourselves are just stories)
✨I learned to quietly listen to my soul and trust what it was saying.
✨I learned how to appreciate the small things with gratitude and watch them grow into big things.
✨I learned that you can love a tree and it will love you back.🌳
✨I learned that the love and adoration that comes towards me from two orange tabbies is more than enough a lot of the time. 😻😻
✨I learned that when it feels like I have nothing I am really surrounded by abundance if I open to it.
✨I learned that I have tons of friends around the world who hold me in love. Thank you all ❤️
Most of all I learned what it feels like to have an open heart ❤️ (Yes, I had to go to the extreme to do that, it takes what it takes!) My mind and heart are now working together, not working in opposing directions.

Some might imagine that 2017 has been a difficult year for me, which it has, yet it opened a new, expansive, peaceful reality that I couldn’t have gotten to any other way. To say my heart has been opened is an understatement.

I know presence, non-resistance, flow, peace and endless possibilities in a way that I couldn’t imagine.

There is no need to “figure things out”, make things happen, create stories so I think I understand. All of that is resistance and it blocks the flow.

It also doesn’t mean just letting things happen to me. It means lining up with all that is in my highest and best and moving joyfully with it, with an attitude of gratitude. It means becoming the flow and making inspired choices and taking inspired action.

This is freedom…
So thank you, 2017 and 2016 for all of the gifts. Would I want to do those years again? NO! It was a lot of terrible too! Yet I am grateful I did them once and I am carrying all of the gifts with me into 2018 and beyond.

A Grateful Heart is Magnetic to Miracles

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Breaking a pattern, a very old pattern.

I posted this on my Facebook page after having Open Heart surgery.

For the last two weeks my kids have been supporting me while I heal, being with me, making meals, doing things I can’t do. My son leaves tomorrow and I will be on my own. I woke up thinking ‘now what?’

My pattern, which started when I was sick at age four, is to move into super human mode and take care of myself. Pushing through things that I really shouldn’t be doing because there isn’t anyone else to do them. I know why I do it and where it came from.

I don’t want to continue this pattern. It is very lonely and not the best thing for healing. I have done it through a number of serious physical issues and I don’t want to do it again.

It has been two weeks today since I had open heart surgery. I am recovering nicely yet there are a lot of things I still can’t do and I am tired and still in pain. I am having trouble with my eyes so I can’t read or paint. I don’t want to sit in front of the television all day.

So to break this pattern I am asking any of my twin cities friends to come by and visit. Maybe have tea, bring your favorite movie and we can watch It together or just have a nice visit. We could play in my sound healing room and both benefit too. I need to play with friends ❤️

I need company, human interaction, help and healing vibes. I do alone very well. This healing journey is asking for a different approach. A heart centered approach where I let people support me and don’t fall into do it alone…again.

Send me a private message if you would like to hang out ❤️

PS. This isn’t easy for me to do.

I was overwhelmed by the positive responses I got to this message.

Acceptance and gratitude have been my words since open heart surgery.

Gratitude for the outpouring of support I have gotten from so many people. My heart feels full and I know that all will be well. So many positive things I never expected happened. Messages from friends and the universe that everything would turn out in my favor. Being in gratitude makes my heart happy.

I have known since the third heart attack that letting go of resistance would be my heart’s healing balm but that is easier said than done when your life is on the line.

My resistance took the form of finding an answer, finding the solution to the issue my heart had, doing something different that would change everything. It felt like I was being proactive but really it was a form of resisting and not accepting what was happening. Don’t get me wrong, that was also what I needed in order to survive. But so was acceptance. Acceptance and resistance could have danced in a more balanced way.

The irony here is my body was resisting the stents at the same time. Every one of them closed off very quickly. My heart suffered in my resistance and it is thriving, and will continue to thrive in my acceptance and I feel so much peace.

My friend Dawn and I had a long conversation last night and she said “what do you think they are bypassing?” I didn’t even have to think and said “My resistance!” This bypass is symbolic of my process of letting go.

Think about your own resistance to living fully. It might not look how you think it looks.

Thank you to everyone! Your, comments, ❤️’s 😮’s👍🏼’s, phone calls, private messages, visits, posts on my wall have all meant so much to me. I know I have a huge support team here and in other realms that will make surgery a huge success and give me my life back. Thank you from the bottom, top and middle of my heart. ❤️🌹😍

 

 

Can We Really let go of Resistance?

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Letting go of resistance… that has been my focus since the 3rd heart attack in January. As soon as I declared my focus I could see resistance every where. In myself and everyone else.

When you are being challenged, in my case physically, you try to get some level of control so to feel like you are “doing something” to change your situation. I.e. Make it go away. We want a sense of power.

So for most of this 2017 I danced with my resistance.

(An aside. I thought I had gotten really good at letting go long ago. I had not)

The subtleties of resistance are exquisite.

5 days before I had open heart surgery in Nov 2017 I woke up at peace.

I was not at peace the day before. The last thing I wanted to do was have my chest cut open! Have my heart exposed. I was angry that all the work I had done over the past 25 years and intensely for the last 2, to get healthy on all levels had led to this.

That morning I knew this was the right decision for my body. I didn’t question that, I wasn’t worried, I didn’t research the procedure to see how it was done and what might happen because of it. I didn’t care.

This was my experience and it would turn out in the best way for me. Not how it turned out for everyone else.

And that peace has remained. I don’t need to figure out what past life, what wrong thoughts, what karma, what bad food created this or why it is happening to me. It doesn’t matter. (PS…all of that figuring out, that’s resistance!)

It is happening and I am experiencing it. The heavy pressure and pain on my chest when I wake up, the delicious taste of homemade food in my mouth, the pain in my leg when I walk, the love and care of my kids taking care of me, laughing my ass off with my family at thanksgiving (that also had a huge element of pain) all of it.

I am reveling in all of it. I am embracing this experience in the moment. I no longer care what the research says, what the metaphor is or what it means because of the law of attraction, or what it means about me as a person, or what is the lesson or what other people think about me because of this experience.

I am at peace and that is allowing my body to do its magic.

All the work I had done on all levels over the past 25 years had led me here.

Part of my healing Practice is to be present with everything. When I can do that it move through quickly. I am acknowledging what is happening, not complaining about it. If I ignore it it hangs around. I made a commitment at the beginning of the year to stay out of resistance. I have had many opportunities to see where I want to resist what was happening.

I believe all feelings are neutral and serve a purpose. I don’t believe that some are negative and some are positive and the negative ones should be transcended.

So I allow myself to be present with what is happening in the moment. Some days are easier to embrace others are not.

What we resist persists.

being present with impatience, frustration, boredom and a 2 year long journey of my heart to renew itself, hasn’t been easy. My heart has been my greatest teacher for the past two years. I am not the same woman who started this journey On the 2016 Equinox.

I will feel something different.

This is why I am healing so quickly. I am present for myself and embracing what the day, the hour the moment brings. This isn’t easy because we are taught to find ways to escape from our challenges when in fact they are our greatest teachers.

It is all fertile ground for my to grow.

The path of least resistance and the art of allowance are two practices that lead to wellbeing. Allowing what is ( what you can see, taste, touch, feel, hear) without resistance as you hold space for possibility is a level of mastery we haven’t been taught. I am learning as I go.

Our bodies have amazing wisdom to return us to wellbeing if we get out of the way. (The desire to control is so strong in humans!) I have watched my body recover very quickly as I have allowed and embraced this process, which is messy, organic, up and down, backwards and forwards, graceful and awkward.

I am learning through this process how to apply this self loving practice to the whole of my life. It would be amazingly freeing to live organically and trust the process, wouldn’t it?

Living in the heart

Choose to open your heart consciously. Choose not to close it when that feels like the best thing to do. Closing your heart doesn’t protect you like you think it would because it is closed to you as well as everyone else.

When we have been hurt or disappointed the immediate response is self protection. We learn that very early. It is a new level of mastery to practice staying open.IMG_2683

It is our natural state of being for the heart to be open and flowing with the consciousness of Love. It is that consciousness of Love that is our protection, not the act of shutting down our heart.

Lead with an open heart and you lead with Love ❤️

This is what my heart has taught me the last 2 years.

Metamorphosis

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The Heart as Chrysalis

Watercolor painting by Katelyn Mariah Oct 2017

 

Heart Attacks

are the Great Excavator

if you allow them to work their magic.

They will take you on a transformational and metamorphosis like no other.

They will shake you to your core, strip you down, crack you open, throw you down, turn you into goo and send you back into the world like a new butterfly.

It’s a hell of a process!

you will look like you don’t know what you are doing,

people will think you are unevoled because you have raw emotions,

You will be judged and tossed aside and want you to “just get over it”, clearing the way for your real tribe to emerge.

It will be raw and messy, you will wish you were dead, want to give up, try to run away. If you do you will miss your greatest opportunity.

It takes deep courage and radical self care to take the journey.

 

 

The Inner Marriage

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The Inner Marriage Collage by Katelyn Mariah

The pearl represents the union of masculine and feminine. The pearl is said to be formed of male fire/lightning and female water. More poetically said it is the merging of water and moonlight, a metaphor for the inner marriage creates pearls. The creation of a pearl inside of the clam is an alchemical process where one thing is transformed into something new.

Alchemy, best know as the age-old science of turning base metal, such as lead into gold. The same alchemical process happens in each of us as we turn what we perceive to be our biggest weaknesses into our greatest strength. In mystical tradition, it is metaphoric for a path of self-knowledge and transformation.  The symbols of alchemy lie deep in the collective consciousness. Pearl diving can be viewed as an alchemical process as is the inner marriage. The raw materials, which are the hidden aspects of the self, are discovered and transmuted into a beautiful new power and aspect of the self.

This alchemical process occurs within us every time we dive to our dive to our depths in search of that inner pearl.  If we are diligent and honest we can discover disowned parts of ourselves and change them magically into gold pearls.  We can find the things within us that are not working and make pearls of them.

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Many traditions suggest that deep in man’s psyche is an imprinted image of the ideal man. The same is true for women.  That image is subject to cultural change.  One wonders where it came from in the first place.  What characterizes the image of present-day man? What is the image of the new man and new woman, the one that is unfolding in the present day as we stand on the edge of change? Is this image a reflection coming from Source that tells us we are divine and perfect as we are?  That is what I am picking up.

The inner image can manifest as the dream lover, which is the person we feel would complete our soul. We want someone who will understand us, love and accept us and that would set us free so we could soar and express what is inside of us and give voice to our soul. The image of the ideal lover can take us away from reality and put unrealistic expectations on the lovers that do come into our lives.   That process has to happen within us first. I know that I have believed in a soul mate and there were many years where I chased after that illusive person who was going to complete me because I believed it was outside of me. I often found willing and unwilling people to play that part for me as I quested for wholeness.

A friend said to me once ” You are always very invested in some magical relationship or the pursuit of one or the fantasizing of one…how is that going on the love front?” It made me laugh because he was the object of one of my romantic fantasies at one time. I responded ” I gave up on magical thinking. It caused me too much trouble. Gosh, I have a fertile imagination!  I wish I would have channeled all of that energy into some steamy romance novel!  It would have been a best seller and I could have been rich by now.”

After a number of relationships that didn’t work I stopped chasing the fantasy and decided to find out who I was, which is when the process of inner marriage began for me.

My personal inner marriage had to take place while I was out of a relationship and alone. Little did I know it would take 12 years!

I think that most people can remember a time when they saw someone across the room and before the end of the evening they were married with children, in their mind. I was at home one day with my son and daughter and a group of their friends, all young people in their twenties.  Out of curiosity I asked ” has anyone ever made up a relationship in their mind?  I thought maybe I was the only weirdo that did that kind of thing. Everyone there said they had.  My son told me he had been married three times in his mind and my daughter had too and that I had a lot of grandchildren!  I did some of my greatest transformational work in fantasy relationships because of the angst it put me through!

It is not an outer partner who makes us complete.  We feel complete when balance occurs within us. The true inner marriage takes place inside of us when masculine and feminine unite. Balancing the feminine and masculine in the human soul lies at the heart of the processes of inner transformation.  Through this process we can rediscover our wild nature which is our true essence.

To know yourself is the path to conscious living, for in knowing who your are and accepting yourself completely with all of the strengths and weaknesses having equal status you can accept other’s completely and have compassion. You have healthy boundaries where you can set limits and also allow others to be in communion with you.

The process of the inner marriage begins when you realize that you do have a treasure within that is the pearl of your beauty.  The decision to explore the inner landscape takes a great deal of courage.  Many are not willing to go on that journey but those who do are greeted with unexpected surprises.  We may fear the worst and discover the best. We will discover lost parts of ourselves and enter into a marriage within that can lead us to find our equal in a partner in the outer world.  Pearls await you if you are willing to dive deeply and discover your wild nature.

I encourage you to dive in and go on this journey of self love…