I am in a mood…not a bad mood but a real mood.
Wow, I just scroll through my newsfeed on Facebook and so much ‘we create our own reality, and this is all happening to make you a better person’, and that kind of thing. No offense to anyone because I think that way too.
I get it… but sometimes reality sucks. It really does!
Right now I am thinking that being grateful and holding a positive intention when life looks the complete opposite might just be a way of bypassing reality. I have done it for a while waiting for a shift. Yes I see increments of change but not enough and not fast enough.
I am in the muck for some reason and it’s real. I am just looking at it objectively and wondering what to do with it. I have felt all the feelings, I have combed through my inner landscape for clues and gems, and treasures and I have found the real me. Today the dust has settled and I am wondering what is this stuff called my life and what am I supposed to do with it?
I have gone through almost 3 years of challenge with my heart, breaking open, healing, breaking open and healing again. Now to have to deal with a renegade parathyroid. To top it off all of this has left me in a challenging place financially. In physical reality each one of those things would be a challenge all by itself! I actually don’t know how I have done it for almost three years.
So the muck is real. I know lotuses grow out of the muck and mud and become beautiful flowers. I am just not there today! Right now I see mud!
I painted this mood years ago. It’s a familiar place. The painting is called “ The Cauldron of Creativity “. I don’t know if she is sinking in or rising up.