The Impossible is Possible!

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I had been in an interesting limbo since I found out the tumor was still there. I wasn’t thinking about if it would go away or if I would need surgery. I was prepared for both in a way. I even sent my scan to a doctor at Mayo, who hasn’t got back to me yet.

I was in acceptance. Which is where I needed to be. It allowed me to go deeper within and discover even more gems. My treasure chest is getting quite full. 💎💎💎💎💎

Now I am back too believing it’s gone and all of the work I have done was laying the foundation for that to happen. I now have the support of someone who is in alignment with what I believe to assist me.

I know that my art was telling the future not the present.

Diving Deeper

When I saw the scan and the tumor was still there, I knew there was more of myself to discover. The first set of paintings took me to a certain level but I realized I needed to go deeper. One painting in particular lead the way.

So I got a blank journal and started to paint again. I have painted 38 pages. I chose painting because it is a non-linear form of communication where Spirit speaks directly to me in a language I understand at a deep level.

This first painting is the door to my heart. I opened it over the last 2 1/2 years and now I am painting what it has to share with me. I am listening and following the thread…and that is how I heal.

Feeling blessed…

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I love this quote. It is so true that when you can see the blessings in everything that comes into your life no matter what is happening, the lens of life changes. When you are seeing life from your soul’s perspective. Judgment falls away.

This is not to say it will be easier, or that everything will be wonderful but through a lens that uses life experience as a way to evolve and discover who you truly are, any thing is possible.

You will see miracles. You will experience love and support all around you and you will feel blessed.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the universe because I know I am always supported on earth, beyond around and beside me. My life hasn’t been easy by any stretch of the imagination and I sometimes wonder how I got through what I gotten through the last three years yet I have been blessed in so many ways at the same time because of my connection to my spiritual path and my higher intelligence.

I hope you see the blessings and miracles around you too. ❤️

Radical Trust…Ugh,

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I don’t know what happened during the night but I woke up at 1:30 and again at 5:30 in a not so good place. I am not always brave, courage, strong and positive. Today I feel afraid, angry and alone. And that’s okay. I don’t need to be fixed, I need the feel these feelings too.

No quick fix, no spiritual bypass, no resistance or distractions. Just real, raw feelings…

Here I was, alone in the dark, full moon in Gemini, my natal moon, and my situation weighed heavily on my mind. I couldn’t shake it. I grabbed my journal and wrote all of my emotions. They were all bad, but I know it’s important to release them.

I was so pissed off at the Creator that I questioned whether there was one or not. Who would put me in a critical situation with a rare parathyroid tumor on the back of my heart. There are only a few of us lucky enough to get a Parathyroid Tumor there! After all I had been though, this felt like punishment and cruelty.

I was afraid thinking about surgery because it is so complicated and there is no guarantee it will be a success. I even began to wonder if I would survive.

To top it off, that creator allowed me to get into a terrible situation financially, because I chose to use my money on alternative medicine, which I believe saved my life. At this point I am wondering why my life was saved because of the suffering I am enduring. Cruel right?

This brought me down the rabbit hole of losing my home of 22 years because I am two months behind on my mortgage and next week it will be 3.

To make things worse, I know I had cocreated all of it!

This is how my thoughts spiraled out and filled 12 pages in my journal. Through all the writing I sobbed.

In the morning I was talking with a friend and she said she would make a Feng Shui healing grid for me. That inspired me to go to the health section of my bagua in my house and do the same thing.

The center of the bagua is health and mine is in a closet that I don’t use very much. When I opened it, it was piled with junk. Lots of boots, a vacuum and other things. It’s a dingy little closet that needs a fresh coat of paint. Not the best metaphor for health.  I took everything out and was shocked by what I found!

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OMG, a crystal heart was under all of that junk. Metaphorically my heart was buried in junk! Crap!

I brought a table and put it in the closet and created an altar for my health, and for wealth. The heart crystal was in the center. Charlie approved!

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I then drove to my favorite refuge, the park. As I drove I said this prayer, “Dear Universe, thank you for blessing me with unexpected financial abundance today. “

When I got to the park and started walking I said, If I am going to be okay give me a sign.  Not 5 minutes into my walk, a hawk flew over followed by the familiar Etsy “Cha Ching”. Someone just made a $60 purchase.

If that wasn’t enough I looked over at the sandstone wall and there was a heart that had been carved and in the center was my lucky number 4.

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Okay, I get it! Thank you Universe, sorry I yelled at you!

When I got home I was making a snack and needed something in a drawer. I opened the drawer and started to cry. Here is what was in there…

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Next, I went to the mailbox and there was a refund check for $750. Holy Shit, I went from worrying about money to gaining $830!

Signs are everywhere if we look…

 

What IF…

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This might be far fetched, but so is having a Parathyroid Tumor behind my Heart, so why not.

This idea dropped into my mind yesterday morning the same way all my other visionary information comes, out of no where. It doesn’t come from a place of resistance to anything, but as divine inspiration, so I have to pay attention.

What if I still have the tumor, but it is no longer doing me any harm. Kind of like being dormant.

Maybe all the healing work by me and everyone else took its power away and now it is just a blob of flesh. What if it’s no longer leaching calcium from my bones or elevating my PTH?

Knowing that my art is prophetic and often ahead of its time it’s possible that my body hasn’t caught up yet.

If it’s almost impossible to have a tumor where I have mine, I might also be able to do this seemingly impossible thing too!

I am going to ask the doctor to run the blood tests before going ahead with surgery. It will give me peace of mind that I explored all the options.

In the meantime I still have more of me to explore.

Anyone have any thoughts about this?

So Disappointed…

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Oh Damn…that moment I didn’t want to experience. The tumor is still there. All the work, consciousness raising and healing by others and being in total alignment with it being gone…and it’s still there.

Thank you to everyone who believed in me and stood with me to try to create a miracle. I am grateful for all on the prayers, the energy sent to me. the love, to several groups who did group healing for me, and individual healing. There are too many people to mention. That in itself shifted me.

There have been so many miracles to my evolution happen the last 2 months that wouldn’t have happened without this tumor and the idea that I might be able to make it go away. I am grateful for all of them. All of this work has set me up for a successful surgery.

Today I am sad and extremely disappointed and I need to feel these feelings. I need to cry. These feelings have wisdom to share too.

I am disappointed because I was aligned with a different outcome. I really thought it had happened. There are a lot of questions that come to me because it didn’t happen. Some of them I am trying not to entertain.

I really wanted to avoid this surgery because it is so complicated. The Doctor told me today that the tumor is really close to the graft he did to by pass the heart. He is going to go through my side but if that turns out to be risky he will close me up and I will have to have a second surgery going through my chest. It scares me.

All of this coming when I am trying to get back on my feet financially. I am still struggling and this will be another financial set back. That is scary too.

PS this isn’t me giving up. I don’t give up. This IS me being real.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Channeling my Inner Snoopy

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I need to learn to channel my inner Snoopy!

“Yoga is a dance between control and surrender-between pushing and letting go-and when to push and when to let go becomes part of the creative process, part of the open-ended exploration of your being.” – Joel Krama

I had a phone conversation with a friend yesterday about surrendering and letting go. In fact I had a conversation the day before about it with another friend.

Letting go of the outcome is hard when it has to do with your health. Of course I don’t want to go through another grueling surgery and recovery, who in their right mind would. Letting go in this instance is hard. I surrender, grab a little control, surrender again and grab a little control and surrender again.
Surrender has been a big part of the last 32 months for me. I guess I needed a surrender intensive.

We are told to focus on the desired outcome and let go of the outcome. How is that possible!

I have learned there is perfection in where ever the journey leads because of the gems that are discovered in the process, yet knowing that doesn’t make surrender any easier. In order to surrender we must have a sense of safety, knowing we are held by something greater. Trusting that no matter what, we will be okay.

It’s the dance in the quote above. Knowing when to do what is the art.

So Thankful…Happy Thanksgiving and Receiving

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I have so much to be thankful for this year. Last year the week before Thanksgiving I had open heart surgery.

What a metaphor open heart surgery became. My chest had to be cut open to expose my heart so it could open wide. That opening challenged my innate independent spirit to its limit by making it into a year of receiving. I wasn’t use to receiving because when you are extremely independent you don’t think you need help from anyone and when you do you are embarrassed to ask!

In order to break through what I now recognize as a defense, I had to be push into a corner. I had no choice, I had to have help. I had to ask for it no matter how asking made me feel. The first week out of the hospital I had to let my kids do everything for me and I had to get use to it. That was hard for me.

My independence started when I was 4 years old from a traumatic hospital experience and my body has been trying to get my attention ever since. I don’t need to use our bodies for learning labs anymore!!! I don’t need to keep getting sick to learn how to receive.

Independence  is a double edged sword. You can feel strong and accomplished because you did it by yourself yet it is very lonely and painful when you need help and can’t ask.

Here is what I learned. The more I open to receive the more people graciously gave to me. I had to feel, explore and release every uncomfortable feeling and every belief system connected to receiving. Trust me there were many. I learned that it feels really good to receive.

Because I was willing to do that deep work I have received so much this past year on so many levels. I have felt love, support and kindness like I never felt before. If I were to make a list of each person it would be extremely long. I am thankful for everyone of you.

I am thankful for my Facebook community that has uplifted me and supported me in ways you might not know. You have held my healing in your hearts as if it were your own. I love you all for that ❤️

I am thankful for my heart, each heart attack and open heart surgery for getting my attention and showing me a new world view.

Giving and receiving are part of the circle of reciprocity, neither more important that the other. They work together. Some are better at giving and some are better at receiving. We have to become good at both if we want to experience true abundance. Once we understand that it becomes a beautiful dance. A dance that feels good from either side.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Receiving everyone!

Love Katelyn ❤️

Love Letter to my Parathyroid

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On the day before I have the scan of the parathyroid gland…

My Dear parathyroid gland behind my heart, what an amazing journey we have been on the last two months. Thank you for being my guide and showing me parts of myself I hadn’t discovered yet. Things I couldn’t discover without you.

What a miracle that before I was born you went to sit behind my heart, a most unusual place for a parathyroid gland. You went there to be a container for part of me that needed a place to hide, at age four, at age thirty-four and probably many other times. I understand that over time, holding those parts of me that needed to stay safe from trauma became too much and you grew too large. A tumor developed and you could no longer do the work you were intended to do.  I know that was hard on you.

Thank you for showing up at the perfect time so that I could discover, retrieve and integrate those lost parts of me. My hidden power. Power that I can now use to empower my life. I am grateful to you for bringing so much to light for me in two short months. Thank you for protecting my power when it was too much for me to own. You have been a blessing to me in so many ways.

I want you to continue to be a part of my body. The only way that can happen is if the tumor is gone because now it is harming both of us and needs to be removed. My goal the last two months has been to learn what it was you wanted to share with me by you being a tumor. My other goal was to dissolve the tumor so I can keep you so you can do the important work of keeping my body in balance.

I am sorry that you had to take on more than you could handle to protect me and I understand if you have to go. This whole journey has been the miracle. My hope is that we can continue to work together and you can go back to being healthy and tumor free and I can be healthy too.

Love, your friend, Katelyn ❤️