I don’t know what happened during the night but I woke up at 1:30 and again at 5:30 in a not so good place. I am not always brave, courage, strong and positive. Today I feel afraid, angry and alone. And that’s okay. I don’t need to be fixed, I need the feel these feelings too.
No quick fix, no spiritual bypass, no resistance or distractions. Just real, raw feelings…
Here I was, alone in the dark, full moon in Gemini, my natal moon, and my situation weighed heavily on my mind. I couldn’t shake it. I grabbed my journal and wrote all of my emotions. They were all bad, but I know it’s important to release them.
I was so pissed off at the Creator that I questioned whether there was one or not. Who would put me in a critical situation with a rare parathyroid tumor on the back of my heart. There are only a few of us lucky enough to get a Parathyroid Tumor there! After all I had been though, this felt like punishment and cruelty.
I was afraid thinking about surgery because it is so complicated and there is no guarantee it will be a success. I even began to wonder if I would survive.
To top it off, that creator allowed me to get into a terrible situation financially, because I chose to use my money on alternative medicine, which I believe saved my life. At this point I am wondering why my life was saved because of the suffering I am enduring. Cruel right?
This brought me down the rabbit hole of losing my home of 22 years because I am two months behind on my mortgage and next week it will be 3.
To make things worse, I know I had cocreated all of it!
This is how my thoughts spiraled out and filled 12 pages in my journal. Through all the writing I sobbed.
In the morning I was talking with a friend and she said she would make a Feng Shui healing grid for me. That inspired me to go to the health section of my bagua in my house and do the same thing.
The center of the bagua is health and mine is in a closet that I don’t use very much. When I opened it, it was piled with junk. Lots of boots, a vacuum and other things. It’s a dingy little closet that needs a fresh coat of paint. Not the best metaphor for health. I took everything out and was shocked by what I found!
OMG, a crystal heart was under all of that junk. Metaphorically my heart was buried in junk! Crap!
I brought a table and put it in the closet and created an altar for my health, and for wealth. The heart crystal was in the center. Charlie approved!
I then drove to my favorite refuge, the park. As I drove I said this prayer, “Dear Universe, thank you for blessing me with unexpected financial abundance today. “
When I got to the park and started walking I said, If I am going to be okay give me a sign. Not 5 minutes into my walk, a hawk flew over followed by the familiar Etsy “Cha Ching”. Someone just made a $60 purchase.
If that wasn’t enough I looked over at the sandstone wall and there was a heart that had been carved and in the center was my lucky number 4.
Okay, I get it! Thank you Universe, sorry I yelled at you!
When I got home I was making a snack and needed something in a drawer. I opened the drawer and started to cry. Here is what was in there…
Next, I went to the mailbox and there was a refund check for $750. Holy Shit, I went from worrying about money to gaining $830!
Signs are everywhere if we look…