Not being me

I never felt like I belonged.

I spent many years trying not to be who I am so I would fit in.  It wasn’t that I was being fake, I hid myself by being quiet and observing, looking for safe places where I could open up.  I kept my real self hidden, afraid to let people in because I was different. I think differently, I am ultra-creative, my mind is very open to new, unusual and “out there things”, I rebel against authority, can’t stand the status quo, I hate when people say things about me that aren’t tru, I get bored easily, I know things I shouldn’t know, I can see 360 degrees around a problem and come up with a unique and perfect solution and so much more.  What would people think if they knew that?  It took a long time for me to let people get a glimpse of me and it was only a handful of people.

What a sad social program fitting in is! We will never feel like we belong. How can we if we are not in touch with our authentic self. People can’t connect to something that isn’t real unless they are pretending too. But that isn’t true connection.  We aren’t socialized to really connect and be authentic. We are socialized to be the same, fit in so we can be acceptable.

Its still happening. I see it happening to my grandson in school. Sit still, be quiet, don’t disrupt or we will put you at a table facing the wall. We will make you stand out for being “bad”. They say “No” to his “yes” and take away his power because he I’d different. He is a creative spirit, like I am and like his mom is and that doesn’t fit into the school program.

I have been pealing back the layers of “not me” for many years, putting my toe in the real water to see what happens. It’s scary at times but I do it anyway. People who I thought were friends have left because me being real means they have to be real too. They liked the quiet, pretend me better I guess.

Finally my heart said no more! Enough playing by the rules and hiding. You must be real to save your life! Your authenticity will create the life that you have dreamed about. The real you is magnetic to other real people and the real things that make your heart sing.

So since the heart attack I have been transparent about the good, bad and ugly and it has been scary, but the more I am my authentic self the fear has faded away. Yes, I have been misunderstood , and people have walked away and that is okay. If people don’t like me they don’t belong in my life. What they think about me is a reflection on themselves . We are deserved to be loved, respected, listened to and heard and accepted and honored for who we are and that has to start within. From there it will ripple out and come back as a reflection outside of you.

When you fit in and belong to yourself you can fit it and and belong to others.

Let’s be Real.