A journey to Wholeness

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(This article is a re-write of and article I wrote for the Edge Magazine June 1998)

Peace and harmony

fill the dance space of my heart

and I come to the waters of forgiveness

and my pain is washed away.

The Goddess places her hand upon my heart

and my woundedness is healed.

All the pain of generations back through time

leaps from my body and floats down to earth

where it fertilizes the black soil

where seeds of possibility have been planted

and all of my potential begins to sprout from the earth.

The sun, rain, wind and soil

all provide nourishment to encourage growth.

“I am beautiful” echoes through

the canyon of my soul

and I pick up my drum and dance,

and the Goddess showers me with abundance

 and I am made whole once more.

(From Prayers of the Goddess, by Katelyn Mariah Dec 26, 1994

AWAKEN THE GODDESS AND GOD WITHIN

We each contain the Goddess/God within us, the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energy from Source.  It is often difficult for us to truly see and embrace them as aspects of ourselves because they are not in physical form.  We have a hard time believing what we can’t see in physical form.  Studying the archetypes of the masculine (God) and the feminine (Goddess) is a way to give form and understanding to the idea of the Divine.  I write of the Inner Divine from a feminine prospective but this is not in anyway meant to discount the fact that discovering the Goddess/God within is equally as important for both men and women.

As a women I am more naturally drawn to the Goddess who began stirring within me through my artwork. At first she was so subtle that I didn’t recognize her.  Soon she began waking me up in the morning whispering poetry to me and filling my mind with images of quiet landscapes.

PRESENT IN EVERYTHING

I wrote the poems and painted the landscapes but still she seemed illusive to me.  I imagine this was her way of showing me that not only was she present in me, but in everything around me, including the waterfalls, babbling brooks, the mountains and forests, the animals, birds, plants and rocks.  How clever of her to choose the things I love the most as a way to reveal herself.  She was able to find a crack within me, slip in, and our relationship began to weave itself.  At first I was curious but still questioning and it evolved from there.

To further touch her mystery I created sacred spaces in my home and place images of her on them.  She continued to feel like something outside of me.  I could feel her beauty, gentleness, and compassion but she didn’t feel real or present to me.  That would change.

Once our relationship was woven, she became less subtle in her prodding.  She began to take me on journeys, through my paintings, to undiscovered parts inside of me, some very wonderful, others very difficult to look at, for she can be both the Creator and the Destroyer.  I knew the images I was creating were images of the Goddess, but it was hard to believe that they could also be part of me. I painted 44 images of the Goddess in a very short period of time as she came fast and furious to get my attention.  I was so flooded with images of her that some escaped back into my psyche before I was able to capture them on paper.  The paintings were filled with symbolism the I didn’t understand at the time, because I was just listening to her voice and painting what I heard her say.

TOUCHING ME DEEPLY

It wasn’t until I met Ron Mangravite, a spiritual teacher, mystic and historian on myth and symbolism, the it became clear to me that the Goddess was really touching me deeply.  He pointed out that I had pulled together classic esoteric symbolism from many cultures so concisely that it was hard for him to believe that I hadn’t studied mythology and symbolism for years.  He stated ” In order for her to discover these images, Katelyn, in an attempt to find her identity, which is The Goddess, went down deep enough to get totally past Katelyn, totally past everything but the feminine, because these images are the Goddess.  They come from a place that is very deep and very real.”

With this, she had captured my attention because to me I was just painting and to Ron I was tapping into something very old and very deep.  I no longer question her presence or wisdom, nor do I question that she is a part of me, and a part of each of us, just as God is. At this point I have painted over 100 images of the Goddess.

After spending several years delving into the mysteries and magic of the Goddess I should have know that God/Divine Masculine would want equal time!.  The energy of the Goddess had been hidden underground for thousands of years and wanted to have a voice and now that was beginning to happen.  The God who has gotten a bad wrap as the punishing, authoritative Father what his true voice to be heard as well.  The God that I learned about as a child made me want to run away, which I did, rather than compelling me to draw closer to him.  It is time to bring both aspects of the Divine into balance in ourselves if we are to be whole and complete.  This needs to happen so that our world can come back into balance as well.  There isn’t just Divine Masculine/God there is also Divine Feminine/Goddess.  Having so much of my focus be on the Goddess, had pushed my Divine Masculine into the shadows and I found myself being out of balance.

There are archetypal energies within us that represent these aspects.  In women the aspect of Divine Masculine is the daimon lover-Beloved.  The daimon love is the counterpart to the muse in men and it is the inspiration and spiritual companion of women, just as the muse is in men.  It is the “one”, ” the perfect partner” that we search for as a mate.  These hidden parts of us are comprised of images from fairy tales, movies, positive men/women in our lives, Jesus, Mother Mary, Buddha and God.  If we haven’t unmasked the daimon/muse he/she wreaks havoc rather than inspiring us and we end up projecting either our high expectations or negative beliefs onto the men/women in our lives.

SEEKING WHOLENESS

No man can live up to the “perfect” image of a woman’s Beloved/Inner God, just as no woman can live up to man’s projected image of the Muse/Inner Goddess.  This is why there is so much misunderstanding and unmet needs between men and women.  We are trying to find wholeness outside of ourselves.

How do we go about integrating the daimon and the muse?  The daimon aspect in me came forward in subtle and not so subtle ways at first, through the men in my life.  One day He/God found a way to sneak into the crack in my creative psyche and began to speak directly to me, just as the Goddess had done.

I was awakened in the middle of the night with complete poems swimming in my head that I had to write down so that I could go back to sleep.  By day, images of various men in my inner landscape began to pour from my pen.  He has challenged what I learned as a child about the God who was punishing and unforgiving, who had authority over me.  Just as there is a light and a dark aspect to the Goddess, so too is there a light and dark God- and therefor the light and dark aspects in ourselves that need to be resolved so that we can come in to balance and live authentic lives.

The men that I have discovered in my inner landscape are equally as interesting as the women I found there.  Some of them are quite wonderful, loving and accepting and others I would much rather not look at. Each aspect has a key that unlocks another door to who we are. As I continued to study my inner images of God/Masculine I discovered a new aspect of strength and balance within and the idea of God became more intriguing.

When we reconcile our images of the God and Goddess and integrate their qualities we see them as a force that loves and protects us and we come into Divine union within ourselves knowing that we also love and protect ourselves because they are part of us.  Once we do this important inner work we can free our creativity and passion to enter into relationships with one another as autonomous beings who are able to be authentic and share intimacy.  That is when the fun of conscious loving relationships can happen.

The Awaken the Goddess Meditation Deck which contains 44 of the Goddess Images in the blog is available at; http://katelynmariahvisionaryartist.weebly.com/goddess-cards.html

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