Lined up with what I don’t want, how the hell did that happen!

This is the blog where I usually reveal something about myself that I usually don’t talk about, so here goes.

I have been single for a long time.  Most of the people who are in my life now have never know me to be with someone. People rarely ask me if I am in or out of a relationship, which seems strange to me.

I often tell people that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person.   I felt good about not settling, for not being needy and for not being in a relationship for the sake of relationship.

I spent years becoming the person I wanted to attract.  Have done a lot of soul searching and clearing of thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that got in the way of being a great partner.  I did this because I was attracting all of the wrong men and wanted that to change. I knew that the men I was attracting were reflecting something in me and I didn’t like what I was seeing.

In the beginning this meant being with and embracing my anxiety about being alone. It meant loving who I was even though I had “issues”.

I would love to be in a relationship with someone who was my equal.  I have read an embarrassing amount of books on the subject of relationship, and as a therapist I did couples counseling for years.  I have become an expert on how it is done and how to be a good partner.

Over time I have come to like my own company and found it easier to be alone and not have to be accountable or compromise.  I could wake up in the morning and do what I wanted until I went to sleep and there was no one to tell me other wise.  Do you pick up the defiant tone in that sentence?!  Now it has become routine. It is how people know me.  I am single.

I am who I want to attract and yet, I am still alone.  It has been the subject of many conversations with friends over the years who can’t understand why I am still alone either.

My desire to be in a relationship hasn’t gone away it has just gone onto a shelf in the closet.  I bring it out once in a while, examine it and ask myself why such an awesome, amazing woman is still alone.  Sometimes I wonder if I have done something wrong, if I am not good at manifesting or if there is something wrong with me.  I decide there isn’t, I haven’t and there isn’t anything wrong with me and put the desire back on the self, because I can’t figure out why I am still alone.

I never really feel lonely, I don’t have angst about being alone , I enjoy my own company and being alone hasn’t stopped me from doing the things I love to do. I am still proud that I didn’t settle.

Until a few days ago.

I was talking with a friend and we were talking about the subject of me having a partner and out of my mouth came ” I must really be aligned with alone, because that is what is showing up in my life.”

According to the Law of Attraction, when you line up with your desire it has to show up in your life.  What we align with is what we become. If you look around at your life what you see is what you are aligned with.  Alone was showing up loud and clear in my life so I must be really lined up with it!

During the conversation my pride about not settling for the wrong person dissolved as I realized I was settling for being alone and that is something I don’t want either!  In my attempt to not line up with calling in the wrong person I have gone to the other extreme of calling in no one. I was settling, something I never wanted to do when it comes to relationship.

What a huge insight with the probablility of creating a huge shift.

The day after I had this insight I got the following two fortunes out of my fortune cookies.

I am curious to see what happens next, aren’t you?

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4 thoughts on “Lined up with what I don’t want, how the hell did that happen!

  1. Excellent and honest sharing. I’m very proud of you for what you have done with your life and your constant awareness of what you are creating so you can continue to expand and manifest what you want. Thanks for sharing. Love Ya!

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