The Green-Eyed Monster

“When you reach this state of oneness with yourself, with your innermost divine self, in the flow and harmony of the yes-current, you have nothing to fear. You stand on firm ground. Fulfillment of any expression of your self can easily be yours.” Eva Pierrakos

What is stopping you?

I will tell you one of the things I discovered that is stopping me, but first I must say that we have all been impacted by the collective spell and collective socialization. It is easy to feel embarrassed when we come up against something negative in ourselves, but there is no need. It is a part of a program and it was shared with us when we were children, before we could make decisions to the contrary. It becomes our consciousness and consciousness creates our reality. To have it revealed is a gift, because it is no long unconscious and in control.

I had a nagging feeling for a couple of days that was pointing me to faulty thinking that had been getting in my way of success. It was like a flash of insight that I couldn’t quite get a hold of. The subtle ones can be very slippery. I came a few days before I discovered the book that lead me to the yes-current/no-current concept. It came to a head on a day when everything around me was squeezing me emotionally to the point where I had to look within to get to the source.

I discovered a flaw in my thinking that goes like this. If someone else is having success in an area that I am also trying to experience success, and I am not, I must be doing something wrong. Here is an example: I had posted a new fan page for my business on Facebook and had invited my friends. A few people trickled onto my page. A couple of weeks later a friend did the same thing and people were flocking to her page, even my best friend, who hadn’t become a fan of mine page. With in a day she had a hundred fans.

My first level of thinking, as it usually is for most people was to look outside myself. That is when the voice with a snotty twang kicks in and says, “what makes her/him so special” My first thought is they are showing off to get attention and show offs really irritate me, because of this no-current glitch.

In my second level of thinking, which happens pretty quickly, the voice turns on me and my own projection gobbles me up!   Now there must be something wrong with either me or in this example, my fan page. If everyone is going to that other persons page, they wouldn’t be coming to mine. Now that snotty twangy voice, has it’s hands on it’s hips and it is saying “ hey, what’s wrong with you?”, “don’t you think there must be something wrong with what you are doing?’ “If there wasn’t, you would get noticed too and this wouldn’t be happening.” “Why would anyone notice you anyway, come on!” You get the idea! Because of this no-current unconscious thinking, not many people were signing up on my page. I had stopped the flow.

My earliest memory of this behavior happening was in art school when I was a young artist of about 18, though I am sure the origins are much earlier. We would have to put our work up and have it critiqued. I was always nervous about what other people might say. I would have a positive critique of my work and yet as with each piece that followed got great comments my great critique was somehow diminished in my mind and by the end I was thinking my work was a piece of crap! I would stand there thinking of all the ways it could have been better, based on what was said about everyone elses work.

The glitch in my early programming said only one person could be acknowledge for something and either it was me or it was someone else. The idea that we both could be successful wasn’t even entering my mind. When I was growing up there was a lot of competition and comparing between my siblings that was bred by my parents and this might be the origin of this kind of thinking. This is also deeply programmed in us socially through competitive sports, competing for jobs, competing for mates,etc. In competition there are winners and there are losers and you are either one or the other.

While reading the book “The Deeper Secret” when the no-current/yes-current was mentioned briefly it struck a chord and I wanted to know more about it. When I read more about the yes-current and the no-current it started to get really clear to me. I wasn’t sure what my no-current was right away, but I was sure I had one because two things that I had dreamed about for a long time were still unmanifest, even though I had applied the law of attraction to them many times.

Soon I was able to identify my no-current as envy. Envy is often associated with the color green and is portrayed as ‘the green-eyed monster’. I was being pursued by the green-eyed monster and didn’t know it.

In my version of envy, though, there is a twist. There could be a bit of jealousy sprinkled in, according to the definition, but I feel there is a twist because I internalize it. What happens in my mind is I am triggered by some kind of circumstance, like what I have talked about, and I begin to judge and compare myself to the other person and come to some kind of conclusion. I first judge the other person but inevitably I end up judging myself and internalizing the feeling. Not only do I feel ignored, invisible and not heard, but I turn on myself believing that if they are successful there is something wrong with me because I am not experiencing success doing the same thing. My self judgment and frustration stops my flow and is a no-current.

What I am describing is a subtly, which has made it difficult for me to see. Mind you, I have spent years working on myself and unraveling the onion and yet I am just seeing this with the kind of clarity that will help me stop doing it. Often times unconscious beliefs are hidden under other one so it is impossible to see them. I am actually jumping for joy at the discovery because I think it has ramification in other parts of my life where I am not manifesting my dreams. I have never thought of myself as a jealous person, but envy is sure striking a chord in me. Anyone who is not manifesting what they desire has a no-current that needs to be discovered.

Although the dictionary definitions of jealousy and envy are extremely similar, to me they are very different in how I experience them. Here is a definition that really speaks to me:

“The cause of envy is the dualistic concept which expresses life in terms of either/or. “Either I have or the other has,” is the statement that envy makes. This indicates the limited way in which man experiences the universe. The universe is infinite in its abundance and there is enough success, money, happiness, joy for every human being to have as much as they want. Really knowing this makes envy impossible, for you then realize that whatever the other person owns or is has not been taken away from you. Whatever you have, was never taken away from someone else. The either/or misconception presents innumerable problems. In addition to creating envy, it creates guilt. Believing the either/or misconception paralyzes your relaxed and powerful reach toward all the good things that can be yours. It throws a no-current into the abundant yes-current flow. It makes you see problems in a distorted fashion. And it produces guilt for wanting and, at the same time, it creates envy of what others have.

In reality no ones success has any impact on ours. Each of us had our own purpose for being on the plant and that purpose will be fulfilled. This is an abundant universe and everyone one of us can be successful and reach our dreams because there are no limits. The limits we experience are self-imposed. One persons success doesn’t rob another of success and in fact success can often breed success.

Envy has a positive effect to it too, which I think has served me. Envy has a strong element of admiration in it. You respect, admire and/or want whatever the person is or has, and you have hope that you too can acquire some of it. Rather than wishing to completely deny the other person whatever benefit has caught your envious attention, it actually inspires you to start thinking how you might pursue or embody some of that for yourself. In reality that person or thing you are envious of are showing you that what you dream of having really is possible. If they can do it so can you! How cool is that?

Envy makes me think about how I will “raise my game” and challenge myself to become better or more fulfilled. It can be quite the motivator, which is why I don’t mind it when envy occasionally comes to visit. Now when the Green-eyed Monster shows up I can kiss it on it’s cute little nose and thank it for bring me enlightenment and bringing me closer to my success and happiness.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s