I am living in an old dream and a new dream looms in front of me.

The Universe always knows what is best for us.  It is our inner being that is aware of what our purpose is and what we need in every moment to get there.  Today it came in the form of a library book.  I had a giant serving of contrast yesterday, served on a giant golden spoon of opportunity, showing me what it is I don’t want.

Here is the interesting thing.  There was a time in my life when what I am doing for a living now was exactly what I dreamed of doing and for many years it has been the perfect career and I am very good at it.   I have been a mental health therapist for 25 years, I am a good listener and I have intuitive information that pops into my head and out of my mouth at all the right moments.  That spontaneous, intuitive information that I trust to say out loud has shifted many people through out my career.

For a long time it has been loud and clear to me that I am called to something larger, where I can use that gift on a larger scale to help more people.  It is hard for me to do it in the context that I am currently in because of where I have come in my life.  So I am stuck so to speak in a transitional space where I am creating a new form of income and continuing to work as a therapist.  Financial freedom is in my sights but it is not here in full form yet.

Without going into detail, what happened yesterday was one of those days where the contrast got amped up so it was clear to me.   It was as though my past, present and future slammed head on with my resultant frustration.  My heart hurt for what I have seen and experience over the years as examples of it flashed before me through five clients in five hours.  It was intense, I had no time for a break because every session went over time and I only had time to go to the bathroom a couple of times and shove a protein bar down my throat. Not my idea of having fun!

The contrast continued as I arrived home, exhausted and emotionally on edge and that compassionate partner that I desire in my life has not yet manifest.  It was a moment where I needed to say ” Honey, I had a horrible day”, and nothing more needed to be said, but there was no one there to say it to.  I had to face the fact that I had created this too.  My new dream includes a partner but my current dream does not.  You can only get so much satisfaction from talking with cats and it isn’t the same as interacting with a human, who loves you.

I am living in an old dream and a new dream looms in front of me.

I need to shift!

It started with an early morning call from my friend who has impeccable timing and who knows what to say when I am in one of these funks.   Somewhere in the middle of the conversation I was crying and she had me saying an affirmation about something we are creating together.  I said it out loud, through my tears and she said “I don’t Believe you!”  We both started laughing so now I was laughing and crying at the same time.  I love when that happens because that is the shift!

I have gotten very good at using my contrast to shift to a new place.  Sometimes it is pretty sloppy before it happens but it always does shift.

I was at the library and just about to leave with an armful of books and dvd’s when this book called to me from the bottom shelf of a cart.  I grabbed, checked out and left.  When I got home I realized that this was the book I went to the library for.  It is called ” The Deeper Secret” what does life want from you? by Annemarie Postma.  On the cover is a pearl in a shell, which is an image I have loved , written about and painted many times.

The pearl is actually created by a grain of sand that gets in the shell and irritates the oyster.  Over time a substance builds up that becomes the pearl.  Sand has gotten into my shell many times and I have created many pearls.  It appears I am working on another one.

I love working with the law of attraction and am often very good at manifesting my desires.  There is also a part of me that is not very good at it and ends up frustrated.  Just looking through this book I have a feeling I am going to get a nudge of support from the universe by reading it.  Here is an excerpt:

“Nothing will simply fall out of the sky, however much you wish for it, and however positively you think. The real secret is how you can get what you wish yourself; by knowing how you should wish, and that an inner decision is inherent to a wish, the decision to really want it- not with your head but with your heart.   What The Secret does not acknowledge is our need to know ourselves before we can achieve our dreams. To create the life you want, you need first to investigate what it is that you use to create your reality and find a purer source than the negative thoughts, pain or guilt that might make you desire this new reality.  ” – Annemarie Postma.


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